Test “Are you ready to have a baby? I can't figure out if I want children. Test “Are you ready to have a child Test do I want to be with him

We offer you a semi-serious test that will help you decide whether to give birth or not to give birth. The results of this test should not be taken as the only true ones, but they can be taken into account for reflection if you are looking for an answer to the question “do I want a child.” Perhaps something will become clear to you as you answer the questions. Or it will be just as unclear - that’s also normal.

Answer the questions below, choosing the statements that most apply to you. Even if you don’t like any of the answers, choose the most appropriate one, because according to the rules of the test, each question must be answered. And if you like several options, you still have to choose one (and one is “in your mind”).

How to evaluate the results:

Everyone loves to read test results, but no one believes in results that do not suit them. Therefore, we will not give you a diagnosis - just read all the results and choose the one that suits you. Perhaps the scale with points under the test results will help you navigate.

Have you read it? Now listen to yourself: how do you feel about the test and the questions? What made you angry, sad or happy? What hit the spot? It is quite possible that this is the beginning of your internal process of understanding your relationship with motherhood, and the topics for reflection have already become clearer. If so, we are very happy. And if not, come to our seminar - discuss, find out, ask, get support and new information.

anonymously

Good afternoon I am 23 years old. Young woman. I’ll say right away that I treat everything in life responsibly, maybe even too responsibly. As my mother says, I wasn’t even a teenager. Immediately an adult. My anxiety is caused by the fact that my husband wants children and everyone around is already waiting, but I myself don’t know the answer to this question. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and realize that I would give anything for this, and sometimes, especially when I am offered a promotion or job prospects, it seems to me that this is not for me. Just telling my husband that I don’t want to offend him too much. But to say that I don’t want to is also not true. I’m probably consciously afraid that this will bind me very much. I just really love traveling and always improve my education. How do I know that I'm ready for this? Basically, I don’t like children and I can’t be around them for a long time. I'm very afraid that this won't go away. I have no one to tell this to except you. Thanks for the answer.

Nothing has changed in this regard, and believe me, emotional blackmail or religious discourse will not force your child to stop being homosexual. At best, he will learn to lie to you, which, let's face it, is entirely dependent on the design of a healthy family relationship.

Some parents send their children out of the house or reprimand to varying degrees. There is even someone who hits the teenage son or blocks his freedom. In essence, this attitude comes from the most absurd fantasy. There are fathers and mothers who think that if they impose various punishments on their children, they will "cease to be" what they really are. Sorry, but if you think so, it's your mistake. At best you can create a liar. How can you avoid ruining your relationship with your beloved son?

Good evening, the main meaning of your message comes down to the fact that except with a psychologist on the Internet, you have no one with whom to discuss this important issue. And this is in the presence of a husband and mother... Believe me, not all women melt with emotion at the sight of any child. This is all very individual. And, fortunately, you will not be raising him alone. Therefore, in the beginning, discuss with your husband whether your family is ready for a child, and how you will plan your future life after the birth of the baby: career, travel, education, etc. You yourself will be surprised that if you organize everything correctly and distribute responsibilities , then there will be time for your favorite activities and work. Good luck!

First, forget about “sexual choice.” You will hear this expression in the middle and even in clearly specialized books. In general, those who use this expression do not do so out of spite, but a closer look reveals how unfortunate this phrase is. If sexual preference were an option, no one would want to have a taste that makes one almost automatically a victim of social prejudice. Think: have you decided to love the opposite sex? You gradually discovered that you are interested in the opposite sex.

“I want a child” - both men and women pronounce this phrase, but not everyone can explain why. But the answer to this question can be as different as people are generally different in nature.

For the unborn child and for the parents, it is very important what the motivation is when planning a pregnancy. For many parents, motherhood or fatherhood is only a reason to receive positive emotions, compensate for failure in other areas of life, obtain an object for care and realize their ambitions.

It's the same thing with homosexuals! They like the same sex for the same mysterious reason that most people prefer the opposite sex. The fact is that no one, absolutely no one knows what makes a person interested in the same sex or vice versa. There is no scientific evidence that the cause is genetic or psychological. Even Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, mistakenly accepted the idea that homosexuality arises in creation, clearly writing in his work: it is most likely that human sexuality, like everything in man, is multi-criteria.

Thus, the child becomes a means to achieve the goals of adults and in accordance with this, he will feel and behave literally from the first days of birth. And having become an adult, having transferred parental stereotypes to himself, he will also treat you consumeristly. Therefore, it is very important, before making such an important decision, you should answer the question, do I want a child and why?

There is no reason, but there is a reason, and they are probably different for each person. In any case, regardless of the reasons, the French philosopher Michel Foucault said - and said it very well - that more than an explanation of sexual tastes, what people most need is to live. And “self-care” is the prerogative of all people, whether they are homo, hetero or bisexual.

Here you can argue and say, “I don’t want my son to suffer in this prejudiced world.” It is impossible to eliminate the possibility of suffering in a child's life. This not only infantilizes your child, but also creates a pathological relationship between you. Also, did you stop to look around hetero? Do people stop suffering because they are heterosexual? Another common pain is thinking, “Oh my God, I won’t have grandchildren!” Well, your son or daughter is gay, not sterile. Homosexuals can reproduce themselves beautifully either through artificial insemination or through unpleasant sex, the purpose of which is purely reproductive or may even perform one of the most generous and beautiful acts a child can undertake.

Often, future parents seek to solve some of their own problems through the birth of a child. Such aspirations always lead to sad consequences for both parents and children. To understand whether a couple is ready to have a child, you need to understand yourself and understand why you need it in the first place.

The desire to retain a spouse and improve family relationships. Such ideas are quite deeply rooted in people's minds. A woman continues her pregnancy in order to tie her husband, who has decided to leave the family. As a result, the husband leaves not only his wife and, but also the baby who was barely born. And what happens is that the child, who was destined to preserve the family by the woman’s decision, did not fulfill her expectations. In many cases, this will cause conflict between mother and child in the future.

There are millions of children without families and waiting for parents without children. And even if his son was heterosexual, who guarantees that he will be the father? What if he's a heterosexual who hates the idea of ​​childcare? To have or not to have grandchildren should not be a blackmail argument against the true love of your son or daughter. If you want to take care of children again, how about adopting one instead of imposing your dream on others?

You may also find - and this is very common - that your son or daughter thinks they are homosexual because they have never experienced the opposite sex. First of all, how do you know he never tried? And although you have never tried it, it is false to believe that such a thing is necessary. If he does it, he will do it freely and willingly, on the day he feels this desire. Sexuality as a commitment is a direct path to suffering.

Providing for your own old age. The phrase “in old age there will be no one to give a glass of water” in our minds suggests that the child is obliged to care for elderly parents, in gratitude for the fact that he was born. Those. primary - to give birth to a servant to help you in old age, and secondly, so that your child lives on his own and is happy. It is not at all necessary that your hopes come true.

Finally, there is the religious issue, which is an important part of many families' lives. Different religions approach the issue of homosexuality in very different ways: there are those who accept, those who condemn, and those who are indifferent to the issue. Some authors, such as Father Daniel Helminiak, author of What the Bible Really Says about Homosexuality, show that there can be different interpretations for this subject.

Brazil is a country where homosexuality causes far fewer problems than in other places. So if you really care about your child "suffering more" for being gay, try not to be the cause of any more suffering in their life. In general, homosexual people learn not to name any manifestations of prejudice. Some even react and teach big lessons to the prejudiced. But when prejudice comes from the family, especially from parents, such suffering is almost irrevocable.

Fighting loneliness and the need to be needed. This is usually a motive for single women. They feel confident that the moment of loneliness will go away with the birth of the child. The phrase “Having a child for yourself” remains a literal phrase. In this situation, women take care of their children, warning and protecting them from all kinds of life events, forgetting about the true needs and personality of the human child.

It causes deep mucus and wounds that are difficult to heal. It's not the case that suicide attempts are more common among gay people - it's not because they're gay people who try to kill themselves, it's because of parents who don't accept them for who they are! You, who gave the life of your child, think about the horror that will become a likely co-author of the cause of his death. You who gave birth to your child, think how wonderful it will be to cooperate for your happiness. And there is no greater happiness than being able to be who you are with the support of those who say they love us.

Conform to public opinion. “Everyone must build a house, plant a tree, raise a son.” Public opinion considers a family with children to be complete. And of course, having and raising children is an integral part of marriage. But at the same time, most future parents cannot imagine what awaits them with the arrival of a child in the family. And as soon as they realize that with the birth of a child, public opinion of them has not improved, anger and irritation appear, which pour out on the children.

Your son is who he is and what he goes beyond. He is not a robot, not a project. And don't just "tolerate" your sexual preferences. These are the sons and daughters of life, thirsting for themselves. They pass through us, but not us. And although they are with us, they do not belong to us.

We can give you our love, but not your thoughts. Because they have their own thoughts. We can shelter their bodies, but not their souls. For their souls live in the house of tomorrow. That we cannot visit, even in your dreams. We can fight to be like them.

But we will not tolerate them being equal to us. After all, life does not return and does not wait for the past. We are the arch from where. Sons are thrown like living arrows. “Do I want to get pregnant?” For centuries this was not a question for women, they would have been mothers and period. Today, motherhood is no longer a social obligation or a biological imposition. With the advent of the pill, other forms of contraception, and especially new understandings of marriage and love life, women are given the freedom to choose whether they want to be a mother, a role that requires emotional availability and time.

The desire for self-realization. Very often we want a child in order to realize our unfulfilled desires in his person, forgetting that a child is a completely different person and he may have other desires and goals with which he came into this life. We impose our unrealized plans on them and get the opposite effect, the child will not become what we would like, nor will he be able to make his dreams come true. Once again, honestly answer yourself the question: do I want a child and why.

These numbers grew quickly. But despite the freedom of today, many women still find it difficult to deny motherhood and experience some blame. There are many factors that are associated with this problem, among which is the fact that the woman does not feel good about this ability to take care of the child, to be a real mother, to give preference to work, to a professional career, to not want to lose her freedom, not accepting adoption, among others.

The pressure on children is very high. Questions from friends, relatives and even strangers, especially for married women, usually revolve around the same topic: when will the baby be "ordered". Journalist Talita Batista, 28, from Sao Paulo, is an example of a generation that does not even consider starting a family. I was judged and even called insensitive to family and friends. According to Arana, the will to be a mother must come from within and not be imposed from the outside to simply fulfill obligations or satisfy the desires of another person.

The desire to make his life the meaning of your life. Children born with such motivation will have to bear the feeling of guilt for the unrealistic expectations of their parents. They will have to constantly hear “We gave you everything possible and impossible, and you...”. Contrary to this, parents' expectations should be based on the child's actual abilities.

So what should be the true motives for having a child? First of all, conscious. The birth of a child is the joy of communicating with a child, the opportunity to show your sincere love for him. The realization that a child is not a little you, but an independent person who is not obliged to meet parental expectations and satisfy their needs.

People need to understand that the family model is no longer the same. Today, both men and women object to different issues related to family issues, compared to the previous model where the priority of achievement in marriage was having children. A woman should not worry about this unpleasantly. It really should be safe by your choice and have peace of mind to talk about it.

What are the true motives for having a child?

First of all, these are mature motives. Self-sufficient people do not need outside help to solve their problems and compensate for inferiority complexes. Only for such parents children are valuable only by the mere fact of their existence.

The main motive for the birth of a child in a mature person is the expectation of joy from communicating with him, the opportunity to show sincere love to a loved one. Such people treat their own lives as responsibly as possible, and, therefore, will treat the life of their child with full responsibility. They understand perfectly well that the child is an independent person and does not expect him to satisfy his own selfish demands and needs.

“What if your husband really wants to be a father?” The weight of the choice still depends on the woman or not, but today it is another decision for the couple. However, it is necessary to respect a woman's will in not being a mother, because, one way or another, the choice to be or not to be a mother is a right, argues Arani.

“Do you think that work is more important than your family?” Again Arani points out that the main reason a woman gives up her mother is to do what she wants. This package includes a professional career and social life, such as visiting friends and traveling. Another important issue is money. Don't worry about what people think. Put your happiness and choice first.

To the question: How do I know if I want to have children (not now, but in general)? Maybe there is some kind of test? given by the author Tricky Vicky the best answer is The test you need cannot exist in principle. And even if there were, who would want to subordinate their life to a formal rule - did you determine your loved one by a test? Well, the test will say that yes, you want children. But if you don’t feel it, then what difference does it make - what you can feel is real.
The absence of emotions is a very clear sign that this issue is connected with some kind of psychological problem. However, judging by one comment, there are still emotions - a feeling of disgust, which for obvious reasons can hardly be called natural. Regardless, this suggests that there is a reason why you are protecting yourself from the feelings associated with the thought of your own children. This fear could arise in childhood (usually this happens), or perhaps later, as a consequence of some traumatic event; the reason may be objective, or perhaps fantasy. This mechanism not only prevents you from deciding on your desire, but also generally prevents you from understanding “what’s going on anyway?” Therefore, it will be extremely difficult for you to figure it out on your own. This means that it makes sense to seek help from a psychologist (psychotherapist) of a psychoanalytic direction. A psychoanalyst will not give you advice and will not “program” the correct behavior. The main goal of working together is precisely to help you understand your feelings, reasons for fear, desires and, based on this, make the right decision. “Correct” - in the sense that it corresponds exactly to your desires.
This is a good path that will allow you to control your destiny. Although, there are also difficulties. Firstly, such work is not quick. It is unlikely that you should expect results earlier than in a year. Although this depends on various factors, including your efforts at work. The second point is that you need to choose a specialist very carefully. Unfortunately, this area in our country is young and poorly regulated by law. Therefore, there are a lot of “wild psychoanalysts” and simply charlatans - be careful.

Answer from 22 answers[guru]

Hello! Here is a selection of topics with answers to your question: How do I know if I want to have children (not now, but in general)? Maybe there is some kind of test?

Answer from *MAD*[guru]
You don't want to mean...

Answer from Yovet and CO) ...[guru]
I didn’t want children, I was also involved in creativity. But my beloved husband insisted on procreation) I gave birth to my first child, and I also didn’t immediately experience “crazy” love and joy. But gradually I got involved, my son is handsome and smart (I’m glad that he exists), but of course it was very difficult at first, because the child did not sleep well until he was 3 years old and I also practically did not sleep, I was very tired. Of course, it was no longer possible to live as before. Another life will begin. full of worries and everyday life. By the way, my creative activities stopped for some time, the child did not allow me to do anything, he demanded attention all the time and did only that. Think about whether you are ready to leave what you love for a while for the sake of your child... My opinion is that “not everyone NEEDS to have children.” If your husband shares your position, then why are you even worried about this? Don't give birth and live happily. Again, a child will dramatically change your life... and it’s not a fact that it’s for the better...

Answer from Ksenia Mikhailina[guru]
5 months ago I felt exactly the same way about children, but when I found out that I was pregnant, I became 500 million times happier, and now I can’t wait for my baby to be born! or maybe it's just not the time? everyone is different))

Answer from Katerina[guru]
My husband insisted on having a child, I also didn’t really want to give birth to the notorious emotions about the happiness of motherhood, I never experienced it, but I didn’t regret it, the baby makes me happy and don’t be afraid of the difficulties, modernity makes them almost all easier

Answer from Alisa Selezneva[guru]
And they cannot exist. How to understand what you don't know? Give birth until you’re 30, and that’s a lot, because until you’re 50, you’ll only be raising a child to at least a reasonable age. And when you see your child, your current thoughts will be funny.

Answer from VERONIKA[guru]
There will be emotions when you get pregnant. So I didn’t have any emotions. Only when the fact was already there, only then.

Answer from Kiri Kiri[guru]
And think about it for another ten years. And when you see that your husband packs his things and goes to the one who gave birth to him, you will immediately decide whether you want to have children or not. Sorry for the harshness. A close friend of mine, until she was 40, muttered: “I don’t want children.” At the age of 36 she got married - she was starved out by a handsome man 8 years younger than her. I remember our conversation with her then... I told her: “Have a baby.”, and she: “I don’t really want it and he doesn’t seem to need it...”. Me: “Uh-huh... a man doesn’t need it, have you believed in fairy tales for a long time?” I came to my senses, gave birth... I suffered with my health, with the baby’s health. And now both she and her husband are happy. And they regret you know what?... Her health and age do not allow her to give birth to a second one.

Some couples are one hundred percent sure of their desire to have a child, while others find it difficult to decide. It seems like it’s time - a beloved husband, his own apartment, a stable family income, a pregnant friend encourages “Let’s give birth together!”, and at every meeting the parents ask if there is any news, and there is so much prayer and hope in their eyes... Why are you... then you hesitate.

Our simple test will help you understand yourself. Of course, no tests will predict the future with one hundred percent accuracy - frivolous partygoers can turn out to be wonderful parents, and another enthusiastic mother suddenly begins to faint when changing a diaper. But by answering a few questions, you can better understand what having a baby means to you.