The masks that people wear are psychology. masks

What are these masks? In fact, these are coping strategies - techniques that we use to cope with difficult situations in everyday communication. They protect us like armor, but can interfere with relationships with those closest to us. By becoming aware of the protections we are accustomed to using, we can begin to heal from past wounds and enjoy real intimacy with loved ones.

While coping strategies are as varied as our personalities, here are ten of the most common masks.

1. Cool and unflappable

With all his appearance, this person makes it clear that he will remain calm in any situation. Riding above the wave during conflicts or in the midst of chaos, he gazes at you with the composure of a Tibetan monk.

However, one of two things happens.

His bottled up emotions sooner or later lead to a nervous breakdown. Or he periodically presses the valve and releases steam when no one is watching. A calm and unflappable boss might explode and yell at a cashier at a supermarket or send a scathing letter to a subordinate who made a minor mistake. But do not worry - in this case, he controls the situation and knows who can be chosen for the role of switchman, and who is not.

2. Comedian

Humor is a brilliant defense mechanism. If you're laughing, then you're not crying anymore. Although sometimes it still looks very similar.

Humor can prevent rapprochement, will not let you get too close and find out what's on your mind.

The comedian jokes so that the conversation does not become too deep and real, in order to avoid discussion and exchange of opinions. Unable to listen to his partner to the end, he puts on the mask of a comedian and closes the topic jokingly. So he leaves the conflict, but does not solve the problem. Accustomed to laughing off for any reason, the comedian does not let anyone get too close and in some ways remains alone.

3. Eternal excellent student

Some people become honors students not because of the love of fives and diplomas. For them, it's a defense mechanism.

If everything is done correctly, then their world will not shatter into pieces. Of course, there are pleasant moments in the life of an excellent student. He gets his moment of glory and praise, but anxiety always remains his companion - the flip side of this mask.

In later life and relationships, the eternal excellent student always has a fear of error. In partnerships, his positive and penetrating qualities - perseverance, obsession with an idea - can sometimes work against him.

4. Martyr-savior

Many people are familiar with people who burn at work, selflessly alone save the world and make any sacrifices for the sake of loved ones. On the one hand, they are able to connect families with their compassion, on the other hand, they can lose those who love them because of the constant stories about their victims. They do good - and immediately make a drama out of it.

The martyr seeks to take his place in the world and believes that he can do this only if he plays the most important role in someone's life. But this makes people feel uncomfortable around him and makes the relationship uncomfortable.

5. Buller

Any team where we had to work, in essence - the fifth grade of high school at a break. School yard with all kinds of bullers, all types and shades.

Their control methods can be very subtle. They use gentle manipulation to make you think like them - or aggressive onslaught, to the point of using brute force. Buller appears impenetrable, giving instructions to everyone and setting his own rules, but behind this mask lies insecurity and a passionate thirst for recognition.

Buller needs respect and recognition so much that he is ready to get them at any cost, breaking any boundaries.

6. Lover of everything to control

He needs to be sure that everything is in its place, that all notebooks are neatly wrapped in covers and pencils are sharpened.

Like a mother hen, he doesn't let anyone out of his sight and feels responsible for everyone around him - even if they don't want to. By controlling everything and everyone, such a person copes with his main fear of the unknown, uncertainty.

Want to find out who in your environment wears a control freak mask? He will prove himself as soon as something goes wrong as he planned.

7. Samoyed

Suffering from the most chronic and advanced case of self-doubt, he unwittingly inspires the same attitude in others.

This person is in a hurry to humiliate himself before someone else does. He believes, perhaps unconsciously, that in this way he will save himself from troubles and disappointments. He avoids any risk and at the same time - any relationship.

8. "A very nice person"

He is ready to do anything to earn the approval of those around him. If there is a colleague in your environment who constantly asks for advice from friends, experts, coaches, then he is a “very nice person”.

His views and values ​​often mimic during the same day, depending on the situation. This is because his self-image is completely made up of the opinions of other people, and without them he simply loses himself.

9. Silent

The person behind this mask is simply terribly afraid of mistakes and rejection. He would rather endure loneliness than take risks and do something that someone might not like. He is silent or says little because he is afraid to say something wrong.

Like the perfectionist, the man behind the silent mask believes that everything that is said and done in this world must be perfect. Although the whole world around us with all its appearance proves the opposite.

10. Eternal party-goer

He has a lot of acquaintances, the calendar is filled to overflowing with invitations to social events. Perhaps his life lacks meaning, perhaps he fills his days with parties and events so that there is no time to think about it.

Or is everything simpler, and his only talent is small talk?

Last year, I already wrote an article "". We don't really know all the other person's thoughts. Today I decided to continue the topic only from the other side ...
We all wear different masks.We wear them in front of our colleagues, managers, subordinates. We wear them in front of our family, our partner. We remove them only in front of ourselves, and then not always.

So why do we need masks?

More often than not, we have to wear masks because of society. After all, depending on the place in which we live and what we do in life, we have to play different roles. We can assume the role of a child, student, employee, employer, teacher, mentor, husband, friend, and many others. For example, if at work you are a strict boss, when you come home,have torebuild so as not to behave the same way with relatives. Or if you are a child, then with your parents you behave in one way, but with friends in a completely different way.

Also, people strive to be better than they really are, so they put on masks when they meet new people or meet friends. Most likely mWe are afraid that when we show the real us, they may not like us, be rejected by them. We try to fit into the environment, to become part of society.

However, most often masks help us hide our state of mind, mood and thoughts.We don’t want to burden our relatives with our problems and worries, we don’t want to tell everyone about our depression, disappointment in life, and our fears. Many people still don't understand this. In general, it is very difficult to understand another person if you do not experience the same emotions as him. And in most cases, other people have their own problems and concerns, so they do not have the strength and ability to listen to us as well.

No one knows what a person really feels, he can smile and have fun when he meets friends or family. He can joke and answer all questions that everything is gorgeous. But honest he is only alone with himself. You know, it's like clothes .. You come home, take off your shoes, change clothes and .. take off your mask. Only at home can a person tell loved ones about experiences, about problems, and even then not always, but at night, when he is alone, he can look out the window and cry.Reasons for sadness can be enough: unrequited love, they get it at school or the loss of loved ones ...

We all wear different masks. We all behave differently depending on the circumstances and environment. We play different social roles and pretend. But the worst thing here is not to take off the mask in front of you. Look in the mirror and deceive yourself. It means you have lost your true self... Therefore, do not be shy about yourself, be frank with yourself and with loved ones. Be real. Good luck!

Often people believe that they are the feelings they are experiencing. And the masks in relationships and the normal psychology of relationships are one and the same.

If you put aside your feelings, who will you be? How do you distinguish yourself from others?

If you have the personality of a “good soul”, you must constantly maintain this opinion of yourself in others. They are simply “obliged” to do good deeds, even when they don’t feel like it. If you stop being kind, you won't know who you are.

If the individuality of the "evil gorgon", each outburst of anger confirms your "self". Losing your anger is like losing yourself. Therefore, malicious outbursts are constantly repeated. Without them, you are nothing!

"Kindness", as well as "anger" does not serve the situation, but your personality - these are masks in relationships. The role in the carnival of life that you have chosen.

Someone is the eternally sad Pierrot, someone is the cunning rogue Harlequin, someone is the cheerful coquette Colombina. It seems to you that without a simulated template, you will immediately dissolve in the crowd, mingle with others. Disappear!

Ask yourself a question:

• WHO ARE YOU ON THE STAGE OF LIFE?
• WHAT WOULD YOU BE IF YOU REMOVED THE MASK?
• WHO IS HIDING BELOW IT?

You, wearing masks on yourself in a relationship, are afraid to admit that in fact, deep down, you want to be loved exactly by you. This is a complex collision:

• on the one hand, you are a mask,
• on the other hand, there is someone else under it whom you do not want to show.

So fused with their identity that it seems impossible to exist without it. At the same time, you suffer because of the substitution. The created image replaces you, and you have not fully come to terms with it.

The partner, most likely, also supports the artificial image. At the same time, both - veiled or explicitly - demand understanding from each other.

In fact, marriage in most cases is a game of masks. Try to start by sharing your flaunting image, revealing your face to your partner.

What's scary? After all, he is accustomed to perceive your mask. And then suddenly you take it and ... take it off. Voila! Here's the real me! Please love and respect.

You break the alliance of masks by opening the visor first. And this is a serious step towards real unity and frank relations.

Remember the famous story of Angelique and her husband Comte de Peyrac, replicated in the cinema? Instead of the count, his friend came to the wedding ceremony, a handsome young amiable man, who liked the bride very much. And then she finds out that she actually married a lame sorcerer with an ugly scar on his face! But precisely the lame sorcerer Peyrac became her greatest love. Because he did not pretend, but was himself.

The tale is a lie, but there is a hint in it ...

So what do you choose: masks in relationships or openness and real feelings?

The next articles will be even more interesting. Stay with me!