Does a child need to go to kindergarten? Do I need a child to attend kindergarten

What if the child doesn't want to go to kindergarten  or starts to get sick all the time? Can a child be "non-Sad"?

All children coming to kindergarten undergo the so-called adaptation, both psychological (getting used to a foreign environment, strangers, the absence of a number of parents) and physical (the child starts to catch all the infections and get sick).

Gradually, he develops immunity. Someone adapts easily - he quickly gets used to the changes and practically does not get sick. And someone starts to hurt for a long time and seriously. As a rule, children who are accustomed to heat are classified as frequently ill children.

These are the children who have their own heating at home, their parents keep the temperature at home higher than that in the kindergarten. Thus, having come to the garden, such a child constantly feels a feeling of cold. Because of this, the body's defenses are reduced, and the child is sick more often.

In addition, children with fair skin and light hair color fall into the category of frequently ill children. Of course, all children are different, there are exceptions. But if your child is often sick and, as a result, he rarely goes to kindergarten, then sooner or later the question arises of whether to take him from there.

About such children, for whom home mode is preferable because of their health, and they say “non-Sad” children.

Children not attending kindergarten: why?

For mom, of course, the inability to drive a child into the garden turns into the fact that she simply cannot work. Some find a way out of this situation. Whenever possible, they take the child to the garden according to the season: in spring and summer, when children do not get sick so often.

And in the fall and winter they leave the child at home. This option is good if, in addition to the mother and child, one of the relatives can sit. But if there are none, then you have to give up work. And it's great if the financial condition of the family allows it, and dad can support the family.

Suppose that your child still can not attend kindergarten. Do not despair. This does not mean that your child will be something different from other children. Of course, if you deal with him. But for classes for moms and kids today there are various developing material.

These include: mosaic, various "smart books", cartoons and entertaining video. You can sculpt with plasticine from your child, cut out figures and so on. The most important thing in teaching a child is to interest him. Otherwise, your efforts will be in vain.

So the mosaic at an early age allows the child to learn to distinguish colors and shapes. By folding simple pictures, the child gains the first logical thinking skills, while developing fine hand motor skills. Developmental benefits "Smart Books" are different, depending on the age of your child.

For example, books for children of 3–4 years of age allow developing attention, memory, thinking, imagination through certain tasks. A child learns to count, describe pictures (development of speech), gets acquainted with the outside world. The child is interested, therefore, classes with such books are very effective for the development of your child.

To help moms also various entertaining video. For example, the video “learn to count together”, where from childhood childhood heroes from the program “Good night, kids” Khryusha, Stepashka, Filya, Karkusha study school accounts, perform various interesting tasks.

And along with them, your child learns in a playful way. "Nesadovsky" child, remaining healthy, may well not only keep up with development, but even be ahead of other children attending kindergarten. And in your power to help him in this.

  Julia Grigorieva

3.875    3.9 out of 5 (8 votes)

"Not! I do not want, I will not go! ”- you and your neighbors hear this heart-rending cry in the morning. The child is going to kindergarten ... Every time you are overwhelmed by conflicting feelings - from pity for the baby to anger at him. You use all possible methods of influence, and, having understood that he has no other way out, he goes to the kindergarten. But the next day the “war” continues. And what - and live up to the school? Of course not.
  Psychologist Julia Vasilkina gives clear, simple and effective tips that will help “teach” to the kindergarten and the novice baby, and an experienced obstinate. You will find 5 stories from the author’s practice, illustrating the 5 main reasons for a child’s reluctance to go to kindergarten, mini-tests that will help to more accurately determine “your” cause of the problem, and recommendations for its early resolution.

  Introduction

We all love our children, but sometimes we do not understand what is happening to them. Why the child does not want something that we consider for him ... well, if not a blessing, then certainly - a necessity? And he resists with all his strength: crying, sulking, rests on what is urine.

Or simply - falls ill, and the question disappears by itself. What question? Go to his kindergarten or not? And if for parents it is not a question at all? In the sense that they need to work, which means that he must go to the kindergarten. But if the baby goes, it does not feel joy. But each parent wants to see the child happy and calm!

This is another book from the series “What if a child is ...”, where we discuss many problems. After all, being a parent is a real work. But, despite the fact that each child is unique, similar problems have similar solutions. And our topic today is “What to do if a child does not want to go to kindergarten”. Let's try to figure it out!

  Problem: I do not want and I will not go!

"Not! Nooo! I will not go! ”- you and your neighbors hear this heart-rending cry about 7 am every weekday. The reason is banal - the child does not want to go to kindergarten. He stubbornly refuses to wake up, pretending that the dream is so strong that even if it fell from a cannon, it will not hear. When he wakes up, he decides to weep in order to soften you. Then, realizing that I still have to go to the kindergarten, I can’t walk to the bath (put tights on, find a toy, choose a dress, button my shoes - underline it). But you have to work! You are late! Yes, and he, too. With grief in half you are going, run, you hand the child to the caregiver, and already at the door you exhale - that's all, you can go to work.

Sometimes the scenes begin in the evening. "Mom, and tomorrow in the garden?" - "Yes." - “Can I not go?” Here, depending on the mood of the parents and their pedagogical position, there are options from “Well, be patient, soon Friday” (even if the conversation is on Monday) to “Do not start here! I am at work, and you are in kindergarten !!! ”. Both the morning and evening scenes are repeated day after day, exhausting both parents and children.

In the book “What to do if a child does not want to go to kindergarten,” you will find 5 stories from practice illustrating the 5 main reasons for not wanting a child to attend kindergarten. As in other books in this series, you are offered mini-tests that will help you more accurately determine the cause of the problem, as well as recommendations for solving it as soon as possible. After all, this is what we seek?

It is necessary to decide on the terms. Some parents are raised by both parents, someone only has a mom or dad, someone lives with a stepfather or stepmother, and some have fallen into a foster family. In order not to be confused, in the book I will call all adults “parents”, sometimes “mom” and “dad”, meaning that they can be non-native to the child by blood. After all, what they are next to him for, from the "blood relationship" almost does not change.

You see a child sad because he has to go where he does not want. And you understand him very well: in his adult life, everyone probably was in a situation when he needed it, but he did not want to go to a hateful job or uninteresting study. But you are also sure: there is no other way out, and he will have to go to the kindergarten.

We hope that you will get answers to your questions and help your child, if you don’t fall in love with kindergarten, then treat him calmly. Having experience working with children and their parents, I am sure that in most cases parents can deal with this problem themselves. It is only necessary to understand the reasons, and then apply strength and help the child.

  1. What is kindergarten

  Kindergartens: good and different

When we say "kindergarten", what picture appears in your head? Flowering trees, flower beds and fountains? Maybe someone and so. But the majority will introduce something else: many children in one room under the supervision of a caregiver and a nanny. Another 15–20 years ago, the question “To which kindergarten should I send a child?” Meant: “Which of the state gardens in our district is better?” Because they were all more or less the same. The same "norms", nutrition, mode, requirements. They went, as they say, “to the tutor,” if word of mouth broadcast that this woman does not offend children. Now the choice is definitely more. There are public and private gardens - for almost every taste and budget.

State Kindergarten (DBOU - preschool budgetary educational institution). This is a common kindergarten, which is next to the house. Educators receive a salary from the state, and you pay a monthly receipt, which shows a very reasonable amount for the family budget. As a rule, it works in the mode from 7.00 to 19.00, but you can find gardens with groups of 8.00–20.00. In each group - up to 25 children of the same age. Two teachers, who work in shifts (sometimes one, from morning to evening), and a junior teacher (nanny). Food in all public gardens is uniform, and there is no point in looking where to feed better. There is a clear regime with a long quiet hour (usually from 13.00 to 15.00), which even preparatory groups of guys, many of whom no longer need daytime sleep, cannot avoid. The remaining points of the regime are not discussed either. It is necessary - it means, it is necessary, and do it with everyone. They are engaged in modeling, drawing, language development with children, they learn to learn about the world around them, they give initial logical-mathematical ideas. For a separate amount, English, in-depth aesthetic development, rhythmics, preparation for school and some other activities can be offered. Psychologists are now working in almost all public kindergartens.

Correctional kindergarten.  Also state, but it takes children suffering from any disease. There are speech therapy gardens; psycho-neurological; for children with diseases of the musculoskeletal system; with vision and hearing impairments, etc. I had to communicate with parents of healthy children who wanted their child to attend such a kindergarten, and are even willing to give someone a “lamb in pieces of paper”. Because there are fewer groups, specialists are better, and nutrition is enhanced. Yes, that's it. But you need to understand that a healthy child can take the place of someone who really needs specialized help. If this argument does not work, it is worth thinking that staying a healthy child in a group of children with health characteristics is a good step, but not for the child himself. In this case, he has nowhere to "reach out", he is a benchmark for other children. What really develops is tolerance. It is necessary to take into account that the regime, the toys, and even the lighting conditions are designed for children with special physiological conditions.

Private kindergarten. As a rule, he works in an ordinary kindergarten or on the basis of a development center. Groups may be smaller in number than in state gardens, but not always. Payment depends on the cost of rent, the number of teachers in the group (2 or 3) and extra classes. If the child falls ill, the parents will still pay the full amount for the month.

Proclaims a humane and attentive attitude towards each child, creating a favorable environment for their development and psychological well-being. This task is being solved with a different degree of success (in some places it is only declared, so you should not blindly believe the words). The mode is like in a normal kindergarten, but more flexible: you can come later, arrange to sit at home for several days without a doctor's certificate. Educators do not always insist on daytime sleep, occupying children who do not need it. As a rule, there are many interesting activities in such gardens. Some, but not all, work on the Montessori system.

Private "home" kindergarten. Most often located in a normal apartment, converted into a stay of children. Designed for 3-6 children. We don’t have to speak about the official status of the kindergarten: this form cannot be legalized due to strict sanitary and epidemiological norms, the observance of which in the apartment is simply impossible. Walking - on the street next to the house. Opportunities for physical education and music are limited due to the small space. As for educators and other teachers, it happens in different ways. This may be one permanent teacher, together with which the nurse works, she is a cook. Psychologist and other educators may come to work with children. Sometimes these gardens do not provide for daytime sleep because of the inability to arrange sleeping places. And the cost is comparable with private kindergartens. Of the benefits - the possibility of a truly individual approach to each child. If you decide to send the baby to a home kindergarten, learn everything thoroughly.

Regardless of the type of kindergarten, the child can be both comfortable and unbearable there - up to the situation “I will not go there anymore!”. Of course, in a private garden that cares about its reputation, it is less likely. Yes, and parents feel entitled to demand that the child be treated carefully. For the sake of justice, it is worth noting that a lot is being done in state gardens to make children comfortable and not worried about their parents.

  Why do we need a kindergarten: 7 reasons

Some parents and grandmothers doubt whether a kindergarten is needed. Infections live there, not all children are friendly, and there are questions about caregivers: will they not offend you? But still a kindergarten is needed. And not only the child, but the family as a whole! It is there that the baby acquires such important skills for its socialization.

Reason number 1: Learning to communicate with other children.  Think it's easy? The guys who did not attend kindergartens, stand out among their classmates, at least in the first year of study. Communicating with peers, the child gets into different situations and learns to behave accordingly: how to cope with resentment or anger, defend their interests, how to make friends and how to live peacefully with those who are unpleasant to you. He overcomes the natural egocentrism, getting used to thinking not only in the categories “I” and “mine”, but also “we” and “our”. A schoolboy who does not have the experience of “gardening” life begins to acquire interaction skills only at the age of 7, since not one of the preparatory school courses has such communication as in kindergarten. And since the age of 4, the child has such a strong impulse to communicate that it is hardly possible to satisfy him on half-empty playgrounds near the house.

Reason number 2: Comprehends the norms of social life.  What is good and what is bad, the baby learns not only through his own experience, but also by observing the behavior of other children. He has the opportunity to really watch a lot, compare, decide whether to try something yourself, already knowing the reaction of an adult. It is very important that this is not a reaction of their relatives, but a stranger, who transmits common rules, norms and traditions.

Reason number 3: Learning to recognize the authority of a "foreign" adult.  This is important for later life, where there will be many teachers, then teachers at the institute, managers and supervisors. Of course, each of the parents would like to think that his child himself will become a “big boss.” But this will not happen immediately. To begin to have a great experience of submission, which in the future will help to become a wise leader. And the easiest way to accept the authority of a stranger is in preschool childhood.

Reason number 4: Developing as a person. Of course, at home, with a grandmother, mother or nanny, the child also develops. But the fact is that for a person the other person is a “mirror”: the behavior of one causes the response of the other. And if there are a lot of “mirrors” (as in the kindergarten group), development happens faster. Close people often forgive what others will not forgive. And the child would be good to understand this as soon as possible.

Reason number 5: Receives knowledge and experience.  If you have chosen a good kindergarten with qualified teachers, then you can be sure that the child will get the basics of musical knowledge, become more dexterous thanks to physical education and rhythm, learn a lot about the world, get an idea of ​​the cultural values ​​of our country (books, folk art, musical works, etc.), prepare for school. From a certain age, staying at home with one or several adults around the clock ceases to be a blessing for the child also because these adults are hardly certified specialists in these areas. And even if so, then this is the exception rather than the rule.

Reason number 6: It becomes more independent.  In kindergarten, children learn self-service skills much faster than at home. Dress, undress, wash your hands, clean up after yourself, eat - all these are elementary skills that are developed during home upbringing later and at the expense of a large number of adult nerve cells. In the garden, educators, first of all, do not doubt the abilities of the child. Secondly, he is reaching for other children, not wanting to be left behind. And thirdly, educators are experiencing a lack of time and effort, and they do not have the opportunity to “serve” each child. Therefore, the vagaries becomes less, and skills develop faster.

Reason number 7: This is important for the family.  Parents of a child who attends kindergarten may work. And if there are no questions about fathers of the family, mothers often say that they are too tired from everyday life and want to develop more professionally.

  When is it time to go to kindergarten?

Some parents are ready to give a 1.5-year-old crumb to the kindergarten, while others are pulling up to 6 years of age. And since we have already determined that kindergarten is a good thing, we need to understand when it is better for the child to start attending. It depends on it, whether he will gladly go there or he will have to be pulled “on the lasso”.

Should I give to kindergarten two year olds? My answer: just in case of necessity. What is “need” is determined by the parents themselves. Someone needs to go to work, and someone is so tired of life that he wants to carve out some quiet hours for himself and for housekeeping.

Adaptation in 2 years is not easy. The child and his parents are waiting for several weeks, filled with morning crying and shouting: “I don’t want to go to kindergarten.” Toddlers often get sick during the first year, and this should be taken into account when talking with employers.

At the age of 3, the child is going through a development crisis, which is called “the crisis of three years”. And although three-year-olds get used to kindergarten faster than two-year-olds, the crisis makes adaptation more difficult. But in general, 3 years is a good time to start visiting the kindergarten.

And the optimum age, according to my observations, is 4 years. For several reasons. First, the child’s speech is already mature enough to perceive the words of adults, and to express their desires. In 2-3 years, children cry a lot just because they are not too well aware of their feelings, and they still cannot tell about them. Secondly, a four-year-old kid is emotionally more stable and balanced, which helps him to adapt. Thirdly, the age from 4 to 5 years is a period of active learning of the rules, especially the “public” ones, connected with the correct behavior. The child is fully prepared for this and does not accept them in hostility, for example, in 3–3.5 years. Fourth, the baby is already reaching for peers, wants to communicate, play together and be friends. And this need can be fully satisfied in kindergarten. Fifth, a child who comes to the children's team at the age of 4 is quite capable of easily joining him, finding “his” place, even if the other guys are literally familiar with the nursery group. At the age of 5–6, this is somewhat more difficult.

  SOS! He does not want to kindergarten!

So, your child does not want to go to kindergarten. The reasons are discussed below, in the next part, which will be filled with examples and recommendations. But how exactly can unwillingness manifest itself? Sometimes it is so disguised that at once you won’t know if it is.

... trying to persuade  parent. He is looking for arguments from “I am sick, khe, khe” to “grandmother is boring without me at home”. He is trying to find out if mom is really leaving for work, and if he finds out that he isn’t, he is increasing his pressure.

... actively resists.  The child shouts and cries: “I will not go to the kindergarten! I don't want it! ”More often this happens in the morning, sometimes in the evening. The situation is quite definite both for the child and for the parents, from whom some actions are required.

... delaying the morning ritual.  It is impossible to wake him up, then he is naughty, not wanting to get up, wash himself, dress. He "loses" his clothes and shoes, hovers somewhere in the clouds, bringing you to white heat. If you ask him if he wants to go to kindergarten, he will probably answer “no.”

But working parents can not afford this question, because you still need to go.

... his behavior is changing.  Previously, he was cheerful and optimistic, and now you notice that he has become more withdrawn, less smiling and often sad. The reasons for such changes can be quite a few in addition to attending kindergarten, but be careful!

... does not want to talk about kindergarten.  You cannot get from him what he did today, what he ate, how he slept and with whom he was friends. He does not talk about anything, as if the kindergarten in his life simply does not exist, as if he wants to completely distract himself even from thoughts about him.

... constantly complaining.  The child tells, but all the stories have negative overtones: one offended him, the second hit, the third touched, the fourth did not take the game, and the teacher cursed. Judging by his stories, nothing good happens to him in kindergarten!

... a lot of sick.  Frequent ARVI talk about low reserve capacity of the body. But our body and mind are part of the same system. If a child does not want to go to kindergarten, the body “helps” him: it does not fight infections, as this will allow you to get the necessary respite and stay at home with your beloved mother.

Sometimes all these signs appear together, sometimes in different combinations. But they are all worthy of thinking. Why doesn't he want to go to kindergarten and how can he be helped? In no case should I ignore the problem.

  Do not rush to refuse

Faced with the child’s reluctance to go to kindergarten, parents wonder: “What should I do?” There are several options. You can abandon kindergarten and, forgetting about your career, stay home with him. You can donate work grandmother, if she agrees to this. You can hire a nanny that is not cheap.

But escape in this case is not the best strategy. It is much more effective to understand the reasons for this attitude of the child to the kindergarten.

Maybe he just hasn't adapted yet. Or there are problems in the relationship with the teacher. In this case, you can go to another group or change the garden. It happens that the baby is too strong connection with the house and parents, which prevents him from entering the world. Then the period of "separation" will be difficult, but the rejection of the kindergarten will only exacerbate the personal problem.

I am convinced that in most cases the parents are able to help the child. Sometimes they themselves, and sometimes with the help of a psychologist who will help to find reference points. Kindergarten is a good experience for the whole future life and is worth it to try to overcome temporary difficulties.

  2. We will understand the reasons

In my practical activities, I have repeatedly encountered the reluctance of children to attend kindergarten. But, even if the child likes to go there, he will never refuse to spend time at home, if you give him a choice.

Most children love the house and their parents. And no matter how beautiful the kindergarten is, they still will not “change” what is truly dear to them.

Do not confuse this situation with the reluctance to attend kindergarten. And now - to the true reasons and stories from practice!

  Story One: Nastya, or For the first time in kindergarten

When Nastya, who recently turned three years old, first came to the kindergarten, her mother Oksana could not get enough of herself. My daughter demanded that she quickly undress her and ran into the group to watch new toys. Mom said to Nastya: “Bye, daughter!”, But the girl did not even hear, so she was busy. When two hours later my mother came for her, Nastya calmly played, and it seemed that she did not even want to leave. The next day, Oksana did not expect any problems, considering that the girl got used immediately. But it was not there! My daughter arranged a real fight in the dressing room, did not allow herself to undress, cried and asked her mother: “Do not leave!” She resisted and did not want to enter the group until the teacher arrived to help, who took the girl in her arms. Oksana was leaving in a completely different mood than yesterday. Coming for her daughter, she found her with tear-stained eyes. It turned out that Nastya all the time sat in a corner, did not eat anything and did not even fit the toys. Oksana wondered: was her decision to send the child to kindergarten right and could Nastya get used to it? The next few days became a nightmare for everyone: in the mornings, the baby rested and cried, her mother’s eyes were also in a “wet place”. Once again, having taken her daughter to the group, Oksana decided to go to a psychologist to find out: maybe Nastya is a “Nesad” child?

  Reason: Adaptation Syndrome

The situation described in this story is very, very typical. Many mothers, when they bring their children to kindergarten for the first time, are surprised at how easily they enter the group and leave their parents. But the following days show that not everything is so simple, and the baby is very worried. Of course, there are children who cry from day one. There are also children who really do not cry and joyfully run to the group both on the first and in the following days. But there are very few of them. The rest of the adaptation process is not easy at all.

Adaptation  - This is the adaptation of the organism to changing external conditions. This process requires a lot of mental energy and often runs with tension, and even overstrain of mental and physical forces of the body.

It is very difficult for children of any age to start attending kindergarten, because everything changes radically. The following changes literally burst into the familiar, existing life:

● clear day mode;

● absence of relatives nearby;

● the need for constant contact with peers;

● the need to obey and obey a stranger to this person;

● a sharp decrease in personal attention.

The behavior of the child at first scares the parents so much that they think: can he get used at all? Will this “horror” ever end? It is safe to say: those features of behavior that are very troubling to parents are typical  for all children during the adaptation period. At this time, almost all mothers think that it is their child that is “Nesad”, and the rest of the babies supposedly feel better. But it is not. Here are common changes in the child's behavior during the adaptation period.

1. Emotions. In the first days of stay in kindergarten, negative emotions are much more pronounced: from the whimpering “for company” to the constant cry of attack. The whining lasts the longest, with the help of which the child seeks to protest against parting with his relatives. Especially bright are the manifestations of fear (the baby is clearly afraid to go to the kindergarten, is afraid of the caregiver or that the mother will not return after him), anger (when he breaks out, not allowing herself to undress, and can even hit an adult who is going to leave him), depressive reactions (“Frozen”, “inhibition”, as if there were no emotions at all). At first, the child has few positive emotions. He is very upset about parting with mom and the familiar environment. If he smiles, it is mainly a reaction to the novelty or to a bright stimulus (an unusual toy, “animated” by adults, a fun game). Be patient! Positive emotions will definitely replace negative emotions indicating the end of the adaptation period. But the child can cry at parting for a long time, and this does not mean that the adaptation is going badly. If the child calms down within a few minutes after the departure of the mother, then everything is in order.

2. Contacts with peers and educator.  The child has reduced social activity. Even sociable, optimistic children become tense, withdrawn, restless. It must be remembered that kids of 2–3 years old do not play together, but together. They have not developed a story game, which would include several children. Best of all at this age they succeed in such “games” as joint screeching, running around, repeating stereotypical actions one after another. Therefore, do not be upset if your child does not communicate with other children. A successful adaptation can be judged by the fact that the baby is more willing to interact with the teacher in the group, responds to his requests, follows regime points. He begins to explore the space of the group, play with toys. Communicating with other children, however, may not manifest itself for a long time, and this is the norm for children under 3 years old.

3. Cognitive activity. At first, cognitive activity is reduced or completely absent due to stress reactions. Sometimes a child is not even interested in toys. Many people need to sit on the sidelines in order to orient themselves in their surroundings. Gradually, "attacks" for toys and other guys will become more frequent and bold. In the process of successful adaptation, the child becomes interested in what is happening, asking questions to the caregiver.

4. Skills.  Under the influence of new external influences baby can for a short time  “Lose” self-service skills (ability to use a spoon, handkerchief, pot, etc.). The success of adaptation is determined by the fact that the child not only “remembers” the forgotten, but you notice with surprise and joy new achievements.

5. Features of speech.  Some children have poor vocabulary or “lightened” words and sentences appear. Do not worry! Speech will recover and be enriched when the adaptation is complete.

6. Physical activity.  It rarely remains the same. Some children become “inhibited” and some become uncontrollably active. It depends on the temperament of the child. A good sign is the restoration of normal activity at home, and then in the garden.

7. Sleep.  If the child is left for daytime sleep, then the first days he will fall asleep poorly. The baby can jump up ("Roly-Vanka") or, asleep, soon wake up with crying. At home, there may be restless day and night sleep. By the time the adaptation is completed, the dream will be normalized both at home and in the garden.

8. Appetite.  At first, there may be a reduced appetite. This is due to the unusual food (unusual and the type, and taste), as well as stressful reactions - the baby just does not feel like eating. Even small weight loss is considered normal.A good sign - the recovery of appetite. Let the baby eats not everything that is on the plate, but he begins to eat. Weight by the end of the adaptation period is restored and then only increases.

9. Health.  The body's resistance to infections is reduced, and the child falls ill during the first month (or even earlier) of the kindergarten visit. However, the disease usually proceeds without complications.

Of course, many mothers expect that the negative moments of the child’s behavior and reactions will disappear in the first few days. And get upset or even angry when this does not happen. Usually, the adaptation takes 3–4 weeks, or even stretches for 3–4 months. Do not rush time, not all at once!

  Mini-test: Adaptation and “I don't want to go to kindergarten!”

Let's sum up. The more times you say “right”, the more likely it is that the reason for the child’s unwillingness to go to kindergarten is an adaptation syndrome, and not at all “evil” educators or his unwillingness to join the team. Gradually you can overcome everything!

  What can mother help?

Each mother, seeing how difficult the child is, wants to help him adapt faster. And that's great. The complex of measures is to create at home a favorable environment, sparing the nervous system of the baby, which already operates at full capacity.

1. In the presence of a child, always speak positively about caregivers and kindergarten.  Even if you do not like something. The child will have to go to this kindergarten and this group, which means that it is necessary to form a positive attitude in him. Tell someone in the presence of the baby, what a nice garden he now goes to and what wonderful “Aunt Valya” and “Aunt Tanya” work there.

2. On weekends, do not change the mode of the day.  You can let him sleep a little longer, but you shouldn’t be allowed to sleep. If a child needs to “sleep off”, it means that your sleep pattern is incorrectly organized, perhaps it is too late in the evening.

3. Do not wean the baby from the "bad" habits  (for example, from the nipples) during the period of adaptation, so as not to overload his nervous system. He has too many changes in his life now, and there is no need for too much stress.

4. Try to create at home a calm, conflict-free environment.  Hug the child more often, stroke the head, say sweet words. Celebrate his success, improvement in behavior. Praise more than scold. He needs your support now!

5. Be tolerant of whims.  They are caused by an overload of the nervous system. Hug your baby, help him calm down and turn his attention to something interesting.

6. Bring a small toy to your kindergarten (preferably soft). In children, the perception of the toy is formed as a “substitute” for the mother. When he presses something fluffy to him that is part of the house, he feels calmer.

7. Call for help fairy tale or game. You can come up with a fairy tale about how a little bear first went to kindergarten, and how uncomfortable and a little scary he was at first, and how he later became friends with children and educators. You can stage this story with toys. Both in the tale and in the game the key point is mother's return for the child. Do not interrupt the story in any way until you reach this point. Actually, the goal is to make the baby understand: Mom will definitely return for him.

8. Make it easy. If you see that the child is difficult, he has become even more capricious, correct the regime. For example, make an extra “day off” on Wednesday or Friday. Take away as early as possible, better immediately after the snack.

  Calm morning

Most of all, the parent and child are upset at parting. How to organize the morning so that the day for both mother and baby is calm? The main rule is: calm mom - calm baby. He "reads" your insecurity and even more upset.

1. And at home and in the kindergarten, talk with the baby kindly, confidently.  Show friendly perseverance when you wake up, dress, and in the garden when you undress. Speak not too loudly, but confidently, voicing everything you do. Sometimes a good helper in waking up and gathering is the same toy that goes with the baby in the kindergarten. Seeing that the bunny “wants it so much in kindergarten”, the baby will become infected with his good mood.

2. Let the child be taken away by that parent or relative with whom he is easier to part.  e. The educators have noticed long ago that the child breaks up relatively calmly with one of the parents, and the other (most often the mother) cannot let go of himself, continuing to worry even after leaving. But it is better to take the one with whom the emotional connection is stronger!

3. Be sure to tell me that you will come, and mark when  (after a walk, or after dinner, or after he will sleep and eat). It is easier for a baby to know that a mother will come after some event than to wait for her every minute. Do not hesitate, keep your promises!

4. You must have your farewell ritual.  (for example, kiss, wave, say “bye”). After that, immediately leave: confidently and without turning around. The longer you trample in indecision, the more worried the baby is.

  But what about Nastya?

I listened to Oksana and her story. And of course, she said that much of what is happening is typical and sure to pass. But mother herself clearly needed help! After all, mothers are experiencing at this moment no fewer than children: the “umbilical cord” is a two-way communication. And it is important that support be provided on time. Oksana needed to believe that Nastya, like other children, was not at all a “weak” creation and was fully capable of coping with the situation. And indeed, after a few weeks the girl was not recognized. “I will go to the kindergarten tomorrow! There are my children and aunt Ivanovna, ”she said proudly to dad in the evenings. She told about children, toys, activities. And when asked if she liked in the kindergarten, she confidently answered “Yes!”.

SUMMARY: He will get used to it!

So, the main principle that will help you overcome the difficulties of adaptation: “Mother is calm - the child is calm!” The less parents have doubts about the advisability of visiting the garden, the more chances that the child will cope sooner or later. Baby, feeling the confidence of mom and dad, gets used much faster.

The child's adaptation system is strong enough to withstand the test, even if tears flow like water. Paradoxically, but true: well, that cries! Worse, when he is so clamped by the vise of stress that he can not cry. Crying is an assistant to the nervous system, it does not allow it to be overloaded. Therefore, do not be afraid of children's tears and angry at the child for "nagging."

Be sure that educators and psychologists in kindergarten solve the problem of comfortable adaptation of children. Special game activities are conducted. Gradually, children begin to open up, smile more, laugh, talk, join in joint fun with pleasure. And soon morning crying becomes an exception.

But the help of parents is also necessary, their attentive attitude towards the child during this period, the desire to understand his feelings and accept them. And the baby will get used, and then love to go to the kindergarten. There really is very interesting!

  Story Two: “Harmful” Nikita, or Disagreeable Characters

Nikita is 5 years old and he is ready to stay at home under any pretext. He even tries to feign ill health, just not to go to kindergarten. And if you really get sick, it does not hide his joy. Nikita's mother, Marina, it is clear why this is happening. Nikita “did not have a relationship” with the tutor in the group, Irina Semenovna. She, according to mom, is too strict to the boy. Of course, Nikita is very active, restless and always gives change, if someone touches him. The teacher often tells the mother that her son “has done”. And she did not hear positive information for a long time. According to the stories of her son, Marina realized that Irina Semenovna treated him with prejudice, not expecting anything good from him in advance. Marina wanted to talk to the teacher, but was afraid that the attitude towards the child would be even worse.

  Reason: Difficult relationship with the teacher

When you leave a child in kindergarten, the most important question is: with whom do you leave him? No one, I think, would argue with the fact that the personality of teachers with whom the child spends most of the day while you are at work is of paramount importance. Strange, but it is necessary to observe how some children adore the same caregiver, while others almost hate it. The first will embrace, caress, look into the eyes and obey without question. The second is to ignore, try not to be caught, or even defiantly violate prohibitions and rules. Therefore, the parents of the first group do not understand what they are talking about: their children are happy to go to the kindergarten to this particular tutor! However, sometimes the situation develops according to the principle “you can't hide a sewed bag”, when almost all parents think that they did not get the best teacher. And some are willing to endure it, no more. In this case, most of the children to visit the kindergarten are "cool" and certainly not rush there.

Why does a child have “difficult” relationships with a teacher? The origins of the problem must be sought either in the child or in the teacher. As a result, a situation arises which can be characterized by the well-known expression “did not agree on characters”. According to my observations, it happens if the teacher adheres authoritarian communication style: it rules out the rules quite tightly, a step to the left or the right is considered to be an escape, and the “wrong” drawn flower is followed by a deadly look. Such tutors want all children to be perfectly obedient, do everything at once and quickly, never get distracted, do not shout loudly, quickly run only in physical education, draw idyllic pictures, but by no means robots, play board games, sedately sitting at the tables. What a beauty! But children are other creatures and do not fit into such a beautiful plan. And the stricter the teacher's expectations, the more children “will not fit”. And the more they will receive censure. And the less they will have the desire to meet again with this tutor.

Our children, of course, are not angels either. Very restless, not willing to follow the general rules. Some constantly violate the “boundaries” of other people (both adults and children), without worrying about whether it brings trouble to those. More and more children with independent thinking, which means that it is more difficult to reach an agreement with them and even understand their opinion. Often they do not want to step up and do what everyone has been asked to do. And the more “mandatory” it is proposed, the less willing they are to do it. It is generally not easy for them to be in kindergarten, and especially for a hard teacher. But the "complex" nature of the child does not guarantee problems. On the contrary, in a loyal Democrat educator, such children simply flourish.

How can a teacher express his negative attitude towards a child?

... to make comments only to him alone, even if both children were not right. And more often - not to understand the situation at all, putting a “label” on it;

... with other children, letting go of his stinging phrases;

... punish harder than in the same situation of another child;

... ignore his questions, requests, desire to speak, and especially positive actions.

Sometimes the attitude of the caregiver is obvious to the parents: she regularly complains about the child, asks to “influence”, but never tells how exactly to do it. And does not promise support on its part. Sometimes the attitude towards the child remains behind the group’s doors, and parents can learn about it only from the stories of the kid himself.

In fairness it should be noted that it is not necessary for the teacher to be a monster so that the relationship does not work out. Sometimes a fairly small tactlessness, inattention or shouting - and the child, especially sensitive, will be offended. And an anxious baby gets a lot of negative emotions, even if the teacher shouts at the other child, although he is “not touched”. Sometimes small children are simply afraid of a loud voice, especially if their family adopts a relaxed style of communication.

  Mini-test: Relationship with the teacher

Analyze the statements and put a "tick" in the desired column.

Let's sum up. The more times you say “right”, the more likely it is that the child does not want to go to the garden because of problems with food. And with this you need to do something!

  What to do with a small

Much, of course, depends on educators. It is with them that we psychologists talk in order to increase their psychological literacy. Its basis lies in simple principles: not to force, not to frighten, not to compare, not to punish by endless sitting over a plate, but only kindly to offer and try to arouse interest and positive emotions in food. It does not work - leave everything as it is. Do not eat now, then eat later at home. What can parents do?

1. As long as the child adapts to the kindergarten, you do not need to feed him at home in the morning. The logic is simple: a hungry kid is more inclined to try food in kindergarten than well-fed. In addition, breakfast will immediately become an important part of his day in a new place. In the first days, you can give him a piece of an apple or bread and tea at home. Even if he does not eat in the kindergarten, you will soon pick him up anyway. But by the time the child is in the garden at least until lunchtime, homemade breakfast should be canceled.

2. It is better to prepare in advance. When preparing a child for kindergarten, you need to acquaint him with the food that will be given there. Not so rare are children who have not seen porridge before, as they eat sandwiches exclusively at home. So, it is good if porridges and soups will at least periodically appear in the diet of your family. A child, seeing a familiar dish in the garden, will try it much more readily. It’s not too late to start doing this if you already have a problem: start cooking at home what he doesn’t dare to try in the garden. Perhaps the process will go!

3. Do not make food cult. In other words, do not make the topic of food tense. Do not constantly ask what he ate or why he did not eat again. This can only fix the problem, because the child feels your anxiety. It turns out the connection: "anxiety - the theme of food - a sense of danger - the reluctance to eat."

4. Do not scold the child!  We had to communicate with parents who tried to solve the problem by force. Scolded the child and punished, for example, not allowing the house to eat what he loves. They threatened that he will not grow up or become ill. They compared with other children who “do not upset their mother so much, but eat well”. Some even reached the assault! All these methods are not allowed. But most importantly, they are completely ineffective. Even if the child begins to eat, being intimidated, it will not benefit him. Neither physically, nor psychologically.

If the child for a long time refuses to eat in the garden (for example, for several weeks) and there is no progress, then other recommendations come into force.

1. Reorganize the diet and finding the child in kindergarten.  Be sure to feed him in the morning so that he is not hungry at least the first part of the day. If possible, arrange to bring him lunch in a thermos (in public gardens it is rarely accepted, and in private - without any problems). You can do without an afternoon snack, especially if you pick it up too late. At home, feed him fully.

2. Be sure to visit a gastroenterologist.  In cases of “poor appetite”, the functioning of the gastrointestinal tract is often revealed. To do this, analyzes are carried out, ultrasound and other studies. Then the doctor will give you recommendations and prescribe a course of drugs that can improve the appetite.

3. Be sure to talk to your caregivers!  They often try to feed the child at all costs, fearing the claims of the parents. So, they should know that you will have no complaints about this! On the contrary, tune them to a calm perception of the situation and strongly urge you not to touch the child if he does not eat. The rest - build a conversation on the scheme given in the last chapter. The most important task is for educators not to contribute to the neurotization of the child, who is already having trouble. And do not be afraid to go to the administration if you "do not hear." Perhaps you will be offered to move to another group, to more loyal tutors.

  Sleep and walk

We talked about the fact that food can be a serious reason for not wanting to go to kindergarten. But no less important, and other "regime" moments. This is a nap of the day and, oddly enough, a walk.

Many children hardly fit during the day, and from graduates often hear: "And at school you do not need to sleep!"

Forcing to sleep "according to the regime" is a difficult test for any preschooler when you need to lie quietly so as not to incur the wrath, but it is almost impossible to do this because of the activity of nature.

If the cornerstone of reluctance is a dream, then it will be difficult to cope with it. You can hardly persuade a state kindergarten teacher to allow your child not to sleep during the day. Option two: either pick up before bed, or go to a private garden where daytime sleep is not necessary.

Walking can also be an unpleasant moment. Or rather - dressing and undressing. There are children whose motor skills do not allow them to dress and undress in the rhythm that is expected. There are children with uncompliant skills because of too much care from adults.

The kid "does not dress", the caregiver is nervous, compares it with others, scolds, and sometimes commemorates parents who have "not been taught." All this can cause the child feelings and a sense of his worthlessness. And from this you want to escape!

Only one way out: you need to acquire the necessary skills. Do not help the child in what he should do himself. Show reasonable demands at home. And gradually he will learn to do everything faster, which will reduce tensions in the garden. And tell your caregiver that this is under your control. This is enough for the teacher to stop being outraged and just have patience.

  But what about little faith Vera?

Having talked with Vera's mom, I gave her the most important recommendation: “letting go” of the food situation. Stop long talk about how important it is - it's good to eat. Stop altogether walking around the topic when communicating with your daughter. If possible, feed her in the morning and pick up early in the evening.

Mom first had to talk to the caregivers, ceasing to take the guilty position of “sorry-my-child-for-caused-inconvenience”. Mom should be active and finally express her point of view: she doesn’t want - she shouldn’t eat! Moreover, with such a diet, Vera was not a haggard child and remained active all day in the garden.

I also talked to educators. And I heard: “If we do not force Faith, how are other children? They will not eat either, looking at her! ”I recommended not forcing anyone - everyone will be calmer.

Little by little the situation began to change. Vera became much calmer, and the words “I do not want to go to kindergarten” gradually disappeared. Now she was going there with pleasure, from the evening preparing dolls, which she would take to play with her friends.

I would like to finish the story by the fact that Vera started eating well in the garden. But, alas, this did not happen. She began to eat at least some dishes, which was already an achievement. But, at least, the girl has ceased to be nervous and anxious.

SUMMARY: His Majesty Regime

Everything related to food, sleep, walks, activities, refers to His Majesty the Great and terrible Mode. And parents can’t change it, no matter how much you talk about individual approach. As the saying goes, the approach is “I have more than twenty of them.”

If you need a kindergarten, help your child adapt. Seek support from your caregiver. They love when parents are interested in improving the situation.

The reluctance to go to kindergarten associated with food, sleep, or other elements of the regime, in general, can be overcome.

It is very important that the child has positive incentives that will help to come to terms with some unpleasant moments. For example, friendship, interesting games or favorite activities. Find them with him, and the “regime” difficulties will be overcome much easier!

  Story Four: Tender Tanya

Tanya came to kindergarten in the middle group at the age of 4.5 years. From the first day she conquered the educators with her correct speech and modesty. “What a wonderful girl came to us!” They said in one voice. But then the problems started. Tanya didn’t manage to dress herself independently. But she did not ask for help, but burst into tears when she didn’t succeed. There were problems with the food too - Tanya was extremely wary. In addition, she knew that they would come for her after dinner (they did not leave her to sleep), and she understood that they would feed her at home. She was sad, rarely smiled and, it seemed, was just waiting for the moment when the grandmother would knock at the door of the group. But most of all her mother was upset when Tanya, on a holiday in the garden (the first in her life), burst into tears and ran to her. Mom came to me with the question: “What should I do?” She just went to work, and my grandmother was in for a long hospitalization. Tanya just needed to go to the kindergarten. But she did not want to cry, and asked to stay at home.

  Reason: HyperTech in the family

The affection and love of a child for his relatives is an incontestable benefit. It is this mutual love that helps him grow and grow stronger, like a flower under the tender sun. But where is the line when attachment becomes too strong, almost problematic? While the child is in the home world, this may not be obvious. But as soon as he enters the “big world” (and the kindergarten is his part), much becomes clear. A child accustomed to being led cannot act actively. He is anxious, inactive, fearful in the absence of a “support group”. He "freezes" and waits for a situation where he is alone, without trying to fit into it. Often these children go to the garden later, at 4–5 years old, and in contrast with other guys it is noticeable that their self-care skills are underdeveloped. Indeed, their families took a lot on themselves, trying to facilitate the process of dressing "naughty" clothes, now food, now cleaning.

Is it good for such a child in kindergarten? It's not always the same. If there is an active beginning and healthy “hooliganism” in it, then he sighs with relief when mom hides behind the door. He quickly adapts, realizing the benefits of kindergarten. Yes, the regime, yes, the rules, but there is much more freedom here! Just a minute ago, he was a dependent child, and now he is a normal child with mischievous imps in his eyes. Sometimes such that the teacher is not easy to keep them!

But it happens, as in the case of Tanya. The connection between the three women - grandmother, mother and Tanya - was so strong that it can be called symbiosis. To put it figuratively, with attachment-symbiosis, the mother perceives the child as if he was not yet born, as if the umbilical cord still connected them. On separation, even short-term, she reacts to severe depression. Mom (sometimes grandmother) takes too much care of him, not allowing him what he is capable of doing according to age, and he never lets go of himself far from himself during a walk. Of course, women experience their own anxiety, which is so strong that it is transmitted to the child by the uncircumbered "umbilical cord."

Symbiotic relationships are the norm for mothers and children under one year old. The remains can still be observed in toddlers and their mothers. But when it comes to 3-4–4 year old toadstools, this becomes a problem.

Children in symbiotic affection react very strongly to separation. Crying so that it seems as if heaven has opened. For them, this is real grief. But their relatives rarely ask themselves the answer to the question “Why does he not want to go to kindergarten?” First, they look for external causes: the educator does not like it, rude treatment, there is no individual approach. Their anxiety draws joyless pictures: the child sits in a corner, not needed by anyone, and cries. And struggling with windmills, instead of seeing the true cause.

  Mini test: Is there a hyper-care?

Analyze the statements and put a "tick" in the desired column.

Let's sum up. The more times you say “right”, the more likely that the reason for the child’s reluctance to go to kindergarten is the ridicule of other children. Need to help him!

  Defeat mockingbirds

The victim of teasers always has some striking difference from others, which provokes attacks. But the feature is not the main thing. It is very important how the child himself refers to this feature, how he reacts to teasers in his address. The situation is fixed, if he does not try to cope with it, shows a clear resentment, does not make any attempts to correct what is being laughed at, if it is within his power, and does not turn to adults for help.

For a start, parents should remember that “you will not throw a handkerchief on someone else’s mouth,” which means that “pedagogical” suggestions to the offenders of a child are unlikely to bring results. Fighting other children is like a battle with windmills: the same useless, but energy-intensive exercise. If their parents are not willing to work to make the child more tolerant, or even encourage his behavior, then your efforts will be in vain.

What can you do?

1. If the features of appearance or behavior can be changed, it must be done.  Too full a child can help overcome this deficiency by reviewing his diet, and if necessary, consult a doctor. Child tease "slut"? Here it is the direct duty of parents to better monitor its appearance. If we are talking about the features of behavior, then you need to think about how to help your child become more proactive, sociable, active. Think about the causes of teasers and help correct the situation.

2. Change point of view.  When it comes to not about lack, but about features (hair color, nose length, freckles, glasses), then you need to reorient the child’s perception, making the “disadvantage” a virtue. Red can be said that he looks like the sun. If a child wears glasses, be sure to note that he is very solid. By the way, with the glasses of many children reconciled the saga of Harry Potter. The kid, who is teased on a national basis, needs to form pride in relation to his native nationality. If he confidently and fervently rush to defend not so much himself as his people, the offenders will quickly calm down.

3. Teach to perceive reality.  There are situations when nothing can be changed. Then you have to reconcile the child with the fact that his appearance is special. It is not easy, but this is the way out. Then the "jabs" of the teasers will not touch him hard. Yes, and other children, seeing that their mischief does not cause offense or tears, will cease to bother. Zdenek Mateichek, a Czech psychologist, writes: “Our educational goal is not to protect a child from interest and curious views, but to take his singularity as a self-evident part of his I and live with her, not paying her attention and not making it a problem. "

4. To form an adequate self-esteem!  Studies by American psychologists have shown that peers usually accept children with adequate self-esteem more readily than those whose self-esteem is too high or too low, and it is precisely these features that “victim” children differ from. A conversation about a child’s self-esteem is too voluminous to fit into a short recommendation. But too low self-esteem should be increased, instilling in the child confidence in their abilities and capabilities. And too high - to reduce to adequate. Then the child will acquire the ability to understand the real level of his capabilities and requirements that he can put forward to others.

  Let him react!

It is you who can teach your child to respond to the name-calling effectively, that is, so that the teasers do not stick:

● ignoring.  They call the child, and he pretends not to hear. However, one must have strong nerves, so as not to "explode";

● response in an unusual way.  For example, if the child is being teased “Turtle!”, You can answer with one of the options: “Turtle? Actually, my name is Vanya, and we can search for a turtle together ”, or“ Nice to meet you, Turtle. And my name is Vanya ”;

● to talk  Let the child say to another: “Why do you want to offend me?” But this method works better at an older age;

● learn excuses.  A very effective option for preschoolers. You need to learn excuses with your child - short rhymes that allow you to adequately respond, while not showing resentment or engaging in retaliatory insults.

"Who is so callous, he himself is so called."

“The black cash register, the key is with me, who call names - on himself!”

“A crocodile walked, your word was swallowed, and mine was abandoned.”

If a child boldly enters into a “fight” with the help of excuses, teasers against him are not fixed. In general, it is worthwhile to orient the child to an active reaction. Not necessarily coarse, but active. Only in this case, the offenders will understand that they have chosen the wrong “victim”. Perhaps they will make several attempts, but if he does, then his place in the group will be defended. And the desire to run away from the offenders also disappear!

  But what about offended Vasya?

So, Vasya's mother was burning with righteous anger and demanded to “do something”. And an unexpected question for her was how they in the family tried to help Vasya. This put her into a dead end: after all, they tease him in kindergarten, and educators and a psychologist must understand! So, of course, so. But during the conversation I managed to change her opinion somewhat. As a psychologist working with children, it seems to me necessary that parents be assistants in solving any problem that manifests itself in kindergarten. When a parent realizes that he can influence the situation and help the child in some way, this inspires optimism in him. So I gave my mother Vasily those recommendations that you have already read above. She especially liked the excuses. It turned out that they are struggling with excess weight and are regularly examined by a doctor.

For our part, we with tutors took the situation under control. Of course, we paid attention of children to the inadmissibility of such behavior. But special methods were also connected: inventing, playing and discussing a special fairy tale, where exactly Vlad played the role of the Fat Hippo. We also played special “cooperation” games, and Vasya found himself in a pair with his offenders.

What exactly affected the situation, which began to change after a week? You can not exactly answer. Probably all together: the attention and help of parents, psychological techniques, the desire of teachers to cope with the problem, as well as the strength of the character of Vasya himself. Do they tease him now? Yes sometimes. But he learned to react, translating everything into a joke and a general laugh. That's probably why they tease me to laugh a little along with those who are ready for fun, not for insult.

SUMMARY: Let him win!

Of course, it is very unpleasant when the child is the object of attention for "evil tongues." Parents are outraged: “Why are these children allowed to behave like this? Why do they mock our child? Why are they allowed to belittle others? ”But I want to stop the flow of righteous anger. No, children are not allowed. But in each group, and then in each class, and in adult life there are a lot of such people! And it is better that the child learned to respond to attacks effectively already at preschool age. Then, as he grows older, he will only increase his potential and never become a “victim.”

Of course, he will have to go through a period of helplessness and incomprehension about what to do and how to act. He will try different ways. And it's good if parents become helpers and a “support group.” Having learned to repel attacks, he will feel much more confident, and the "flight from kindergarten" will be stopped!

  And a few more reasons "for a snack"

So, I told you five stories illustrating the five most, perhaps, popular reasons for not wanting to go to kindergarten. There are also children who are in the kindergarten very difficult. And they can also say: "I do not want!"

Aggressive children.  It is difficult for both the guys and the educators, as they prefer not to talk, but to beat. Often, educators themselves “move aside” them from communication with others in order not to provoke conflicts and injuries. Sometimes these children are friends "by interests", creating small groups, always ready to fight with others.

Recommendation: Need to work on reducing aggression in behavior! But first, find out its causes. They can be very different. Family: rejection by parents (unwanted child); indifference; despotic style of education; relationship problems; disrespect for the child's personality. Personal: insecurity in one’s own security (perceives the other child as a source of real danger); subconscious sense of danger; emotional instability, etc. It is best to contact a psychologist in this case - both for diagnosis and for recommendations that will help to cope with the problem.

Shy children.  Such guys prefer contemplation, rather than active communication. They are rarely considered problematic. Moreover, because of their calmness and correctness, the tutors often receive praise, which supports their “rating”. They have few friends, but they are very faithful to their affections. The reason why such children do not want to attend kindergarten is that they are often teased by more active children, which causes offense. But they almost can not stand up for themselves!

Recommendation:  To get started is to find out whether the child is shy or not. If it prevents him from communicating, defending his opinion and himself, it is worth working with. How - in one paragraph you will not write. And of course, you need to teach shy children to reflect teasers. For them, phrase-excuses prepared and repeatedly rehearsed at home are best suited.

Hyperactive children.  It’s difficult for other guys because they don’t concentrate on the goal of the game, quickly lose its “thread” and don’t want to follow the rules. They are too mobile, prefer to hit, rather than talk. And too inattentive to perform tasks well and follow the rules. They often receive complaints from the caregiver in the presence of the whole group, and therefore other children treat them dismissively. They are often teased or simply repeated the words of the educator, which causes "flashes", followed by another punishment.

Recommendation:  I wrote a whole book about hyperactive children, which contained many recommendations. Of course, you need to communicate a lot with caregivers to explain the reasons for the child’s behavior. And, of course, to defend his interests so that he is not a permanent target for comments and reproaches. It is also necessary to deal with his health, regularly observed by a neurologist, following all the recommendations. Improving the condition of the child immediately improves the quality of his life and communication.

"Inconvenient" children. These guys do not want to abide by the rules and by all means try to resist them. Either disregard, disobedience. For them, hate all that you need to do "on schedule" and "slender ranks." They are essentially individualists. Educators often get angry at them, criticize. Of course, as a result of this, some of the guys in the group begin to consider them “bad.” But “uncomfortable” children often have a bright personality and become informal leaders, despite the attitude of caregivers. Although the stay in kindergarten can be a problem for them.

Recommendation:  Try to maintain the credibility of the caregivers at home. If a self-willed child does not feel respect for an adult, he will never accept his requests and instructions. It may be worthwhile to choose such educators whom you yourself respect, and such a kindergarten, where there are no rules that you yourself would consider “strange”. Such a child can be sent to the mainstream of mastering the rules only if you are completely sure that they are appropriate. Apply strength in order to explain to him “why and why”, and not just insist on their implementation.

Often sick children.  If a child is at home more than he goes to kindergarten, then it is difficult for him to join the team. Children of 2-3 years old peers from the group simply “forget”. Older children form strong friendships of interest, bringing toys and organizing games. Often a sick child can not fit into them. He seems to be "alien" - those who come for a short time. Of course, he doesn’t feel too comfortable!

Recommendation:  These children usually have relatives who do not work. It has been observed that the more busy the parents are and the faster they need to go to work, the less and less often the children get sick. Do not keep the child at home just like that "to get stronger." More often, this measure not only does not help, but also hinders. After all, natural immunity is produced and maintained in an “active” environment. If, nevertheless, your child often misses kindergarten, try to organize informal communication. Invite the guys from his group to visit, walk on the grounds where you can meet friends from kindergarten. So he will not be alone and confused, returning from his illness to his group.

Children with loneliness inside. There are children with little need to communicate with anyone. This is the warehouse of their personality. They do not need anyone - neither children nor adults. For them, the whole world is themselves. Of course, they are much more comfortable at home than in the kindergarten, where other guys are constantly making noise near. Hermit children are also often harassed by their peers. Perhaps this is their way to try to stir up "alone."

Recommendation:  Do not allow the child to remain in his "sink" for too long. He just needs to communicate, both directly and (at least) watching how others communicate. If possible, the child can ease the regime, taking it after lunch. If not, as early as possible in the evening. And of course, talk with him about the kindergarten and the guys, trying to arouse his interest and positive attitude.

Another reason for a child’s reluctance to go to kindergarten may be temporary situation in communicating with other children. For example, Pasha wants to be friends with Senya, and Senya is on friendly terms with Yegor and Pasha "does not let him". Or Sveta quarreled with her best friend Dasha. Or Vita at the festival was given the role of Kolobok, and he wanted to play the Wolf. A temporary situation may be associated with a child's guilt. For example, he accidentally hit another kid in the eyes with sand and was frightened of his tears. Or he took a toy from the garden without asking and is now afraid of exposure. Or somehow broke the hook in the closet and fears punishment. In general, we are talking about something situational, but which has caused deep feelings for the child. The main thing in this case - to understand and help. Best of all - to listen to him and give the opportunity to come up with a way out. And of course, support him!

And “for sweetness” is another reason: the theme of the kindergarten and unwillingness to attend it is one of the favorite manipulators of children. In other words, child manipulates parents, saying: "I will not go to the kindergarten!" The reasons may be different. The desire to attract the attention of too busy parents. The desire to switch the attention of parents from the topic, which was inconvenient for him (for example, "why you did not remove the toys again"). The desire to "push the button", getting a familiar reaction. The desire to get some kind of reward for consent (some seriously pay "salary" for attending kindergarten). Sometimes the manipulation is unconscious, so you should not consider the child a visionary "villain." But sometimes it repeats so often that it becomes clear: he does it quite consciously. Moreover, caregivers can say that in the kindergarten the child is comfortable: having fun, playing, playing pranks and sadness-sadness is not noticed at all. How to deal with the manipulation of children is a vast topic. But in the context of our narrative it is important to know that the garden has nothing to do with it.

SUMMARY: Round dance reasons

So, the reasons for not wanting to go to kindergarten, the child is not so little. But almost all are temporary difficulties that attentive parents can cope with. You have already seen the mini-tests that were in each story. But I will share the most important, secret way. Just invite your child to play kindergarten. For your part - a minimum of activity. Bring the toys and get ready: now the fun begins! A child in his game will show you something that he will never tell while answering questions. And also what the educators are always silent about. Having observed, you can learn that the tutor shouts at children during food. That one of the boys constantly offends others. What is a girl with whom I would like to be friends, but does not work. That he was frightened by pushing another boy and feels guilty. In general - all the secret will be revealed. Several of these games - and the picture will be clear to you. And this is half the success!

  3. To like it!

In the forces of parents to do much to make the child comfortable in kindergarten. And then the problem of unwillingness to visit it can be avoided. In other words, “disease” is easier to prevent than to cure!

  Preparing for admission!

It would seem that kindergarten is not an institute and not even a school. Is preparation needed here? Of course! After all, the adaptation process, which we have already mentioned, will go much more smoothly if you prepare your child in advance.

1. Do I need a kindergarten? Decide whether your family really needs a child to go to kindergarten right now. If there is no certainty, your emotions will be given to the baby, and he will adapt worse. Doubts for several months (“Or maybe it's better not to go? ..”) will play a cruel joke in September. The easiest way to get used to kindergarten children, whose parents can not offer them a replacement in the form of home education or nanny. These parents feel an inner confidence: “Where to go? You need to walk, and will walk! ”It is this confidence that is transferred to the baby.

2. "Regime" moments.  I have heard from young mothers: “Why should I torture a child in advance? September 1, we will get up at 7.30, and everything will be fine! ”Unfortunately, most likely“ excellent ”will not. Sleep mode - one of the main regulators of all activity during the day. And a child, awakened in an unusually early time, on the very first day will experience the strongest negative attitude towards the kindergarten. Approach home mode to the future gardening at least one month before admission. If you are not used to waking a child in the morning, be sure to start doing this. At first, you can’t do it at 7.30, but now you both have to get used to what you decide when to wake up. Vigorous music and a favorite toy will help to create a good mood in the morning. Surprisingly, children often obey a teddy bear better than their own mother! Adjust the time of the walk, taking into account the fact that in the kindergarten the children walk from 10.30 to 11.45. Also change, if necessary, the time of falling asleep during the day and evening. Remember that in the garden children go to bed around 13.00, and wake up after 15.00.

3. Food is our everything!  Zoom into the child's home diet to the kindergarten diet. Remember that the basis is made up of a variety of cereals with milk, soups, patties and casseroles (meat, fish, cottage cheese), steamed vegetables (white and colored cabbage with green peas or potatoes), butter sandwiches. Try to acquaint the child with these dishes at home, and then he will be more supportive of them in the future. Also, go to 4 meals a day, if before that was different. The diet in the kindergarten is built like this: breakfast at 8.15–8.30, lunch at 12.30, afternoon snack at 15.30.

4. What about health?  Children who do not have congenital and chronic diseases, as well as rarely SARS, are best adapted. Get advice from doctors. Perhaps in the integrated training will need to enter a tonic, physical education, massage.

5. Important skills. Adaptation is easier for children who:

● know how to eat and drink.  While there is time, teach your child to eat independently, if you often fed him with a spoon. Believe me, the child will not starve voluntarily, in a few days he will begin to eat himself;

● able to partially dress and undress.  Apply the method of "small steps": on the first day you put on tights almost to the end, so that the child needs only a little tightening. Praise your kid for success. The next day, you leave the tights a little lower and praise again when the child is up to the task. For a week you will be able to teach your baby this difficult business. And so - with every element of clothing;

● asking for a pot or stay dryuntil the adult reminds about the pot. Try to teach your baby to the pot (they write a lot about how to do this);

● know how to sleep independently.  Start in advance, here the main thing is gradualness;

● they know how to occupy themselves with some kind of game.  Teach the crumb this. You can start the game with him, and then retire on “important” matters. If a child can occupy himself for a while, as well as continue the game started with an adult, this is a good sign. In order for a child to be able to play himself, it is first necessary that he play with an adult. The age of 1.5–2.5 years is the age of knowledge of properties and actions with objects. A child who is not shown how to play will not do it himself, because he does not know how! The first step to independence in games is a joint game with the baby.

6. Communication, communication and more communication!  Prepare your baby to communicate with other children and adults. Be in different places, where there are strangers to him. If earlier you preferred to walk separately, now go with the baby to the playgrounds, children's parks, clubs. Take it with you when you go to visit.

● Watch as he communicates with adults, with other children. Pay special attention to how he masters the new space (he presses you, asks for support or starts exploring on his own). If the child is timid, walk with him around an unfamiliar room, meet other children, and offer to play together. Call other children by name (Olya, Misha, Vova), ask about them. Teach your child to contact people for help, to cooperate.

7. What is kindergarten? You can hear in response to your question: “Do you want to go to kindergarten?” - the child firmly answers: “YES!” This does not mean that he is ready for this. The kid just does not know what it is. He does not understand that he will have to part with his mother and be under the care of the caregiver and surrounded by other children the whole day.

● Tell him about the kindergarten, and as much as possible. This game will help you: "A day in the garden." Take soft toys and play: here the Bear wakes up her Bear in the morning, they wash, dress, go to the kindergarten. Let the teacher Belka and other children toys meet them there. Lose the moment when your mother leaves, the farewell ritual that you will use in the future (for example, kiss, say Bye-bye, smile and wave). Then show how the kids go to the pots, have breakfast, play, walk, come from the walk, have lunch, go to bed, etc., right up until the arrival of the mother. Attention! The game can not be interrupted until you lose the moment of returning mom. It is the separation from the mother - the most traumatic moment, and the child must firmly remember: the mother always returns. This game will help him understand what a kindergarten is.

8. Books about the garden.  Read books to the child about how the children (or little animals) were going to kindergarten. Such books are now on sale. Listening to stories about cute characters, the baby will create a positive view of the kindergarten. These books will be very useful for you, especially during the first month of your visit.

9. See firsthand.  Introduce the kid with the garden. When you pass by, every time you say that he will go exactly here. Tell us how interesting it will be how many new toys will be there. Children like stories about the fact that there are special little things in the kindergarten: chairs, tables, toilet bowls, cribs. You can even take a walk on the gardens or at least walk along the paths.

10. And who are our teachers? Do not miss the opportunity to get acquainted with the teachers in advance. Learn about their teaching position. To do this, ask them questions that concern you (you can write questions, so as not to forget), and do not be satisfied with the sample "Do not worry, Mommy!". Talk extremely politely and respectfully. Try to get the information that interests you. After all, the teacher - the person to whom you trust the most expensive. Separately discuss the question of whether the presence of the mother in the first 2-3 days is accepted in the kindergarten. If yes, then it will allow you to worry less, knowing that you can stay close. Also discuss the issues of the “garden” wardrobe in order to be able to slowly pick up shoes and clothes. Ask if children help or feed them if they don’t want to. Express your wishes.

● Be sure to find out the name of the caregiver, and in the child’s stories about kindergarten, use not the vague “teacher”, but “Aunt Ira” (if it is a nursery) or “Irina Ivanovna” (if the younger group). Well, if the baby will be able to meet these people in advance.

11. First separation.  Prepare the child for the moment of "separation" from yourself. In my practice, there was a case where mother and her baby did not part until they entered the garden. They went to the store together, went to visit together, etc. In general, they didn’t have any experience of separation. And of course, the moment of separation was very traumatic for both. Tyoma cried all day long, did not approach the toys, almost did not react to anything, being in his grief. And only special assistance made the situation easier by allowing the child to attend the kindergarten and his mother to go to work.

● It is very important that by the time you start attending kindergarten, both of you have gained experience in separation and meetings. Gradually begin to entrust the care of the baby to other relatives, starting with a few hours, gradually increasing the time. Then you can “practice” by sending your baby to visit her grandmother for several days.

12. When to work? Already now it is necessary to plan at least the first three months of finding the baby in the garden. And well, if at this time you do not rush to work. Devote the first month to help the child gradually adapt. You will not be able to leave it in the garden for the whole day for the first time. The soft scheme of adaptation is as follows: the first days - visiting the kindergarten for 1–2 hours and better on a walk while you are walking somewhere nearby. Then you can bring the baby to breakfast and leave before returning from a walk. After another 1-2 days, provided a good adaptation, leave until lunch. Only next week you can try to leave the baby to sleep, taking him to tea. And after 1-2 days to come after him after tea. It is necessary to bring the stay in the garden to 17–18.00 within a week. Thus, you will need at least 2 weeks to leave your baby for a full day, and then subject to good adaptation. In other cases, this process may take up to a month.

You should also consider that the baby is likely to get sick in the first two weeks of visiting the garden. It will take time for him to recover, being at home with you. To drive into the kindergarten of a semi-sick child, until he adapted, is unwise. For the next few months, he will most likely get sick often, and it’s better if you can treat him at home without worrying about what they think about you at work.

As they say, who is forewarned is forearmed. Now you have all the opportunities to properly prepare your baby for such an important event in his life as entering kindergarten. I hope that on this road you will have more stars than thorns!

  Parents: "5" for the attitude!

Probably no one would argue with how important contact between people is. And the relationship that develops between the parent and the educator of his child is the cornerstone. Perhaps peace and harmony, and perhaps the future conflict. From the experience of communicating with educators, I can say that they always take into account what parents the child has. One thing: "His mother will always ask, take an interest, and he will listen to us too." And quite another: “Yes, she doesn’t even greet!” If you have good contact with the teacher, it will save your child from many problems. If the parent and the educator are “on the same wavelength,” if the educator feels the respect of the parent, then the problem of a “preconceived” relationship does not usually arise. Much depends on your position, including mutual goodwill.

1. Politeness is the basis of constructive communication. Strange, but some parents do not consider it necessary to greet or say goodbye to the teacher, although the use of "magic" words is the basis of cultural communication, which is taught in childhood. Unfortunately, the problem of impoliteness, and sometimes rudeness of parents is not so rare. Remember that you are an example for a baby. Do not forget to communicate with the teacher, be friendly, say “thank you”, “please”, and wish you a pleasant weekend on Friday evening.

2. Follow the requirements.  In kindergarten there are a number of requirements for parents that should be fulfilled:

● baby things should be neat and fit. The child can get dirty, and this is a natural process, especially for young children. Therefore, make sure that there is always a supply of clothes in the locker for an "unforeseen" case;

● if something is to be bought and brought, it must be done in a timely manner,  for example: physical fitness form, shoes, paints, tassels, an album and other items for creativity. If the child does not have the necessary, it puts a strain on the work of the caregiver. Think about your child: he is upset that everyone has, and he does not;

● kindergarten fees must be paid on time.  The fact is that educators must provide information about payment by parents of the kindergarten in full. The teacher is not easy to work, including with your child, if because of your "forgetfulness" she had to go "on the carpet" with the authorities. And if such cases are repeated often, what is her opinion about the parents?

● if the child is sick, you need to call and warn.  This is a common requirement in all kindergartens and should not be ignored. It is in your power to make the work of the educator a little more convenient, and also not to overpay for the extra marked days.

3. Keep the authority of the teacher.  Unfortunately, there is a category of parents communicating with the caregiver down. It is worth remembering that the child adopts the style of communication between adults and may begin to show obvious disrespect to the teacher. Therefore, conflicts begin, which could have been avoided, take a different position in communication. Even if you think that the teacher is in something wrong, try to preserve his authority, if you are not going to transfer the child to another group or kindergarten. The rules are simple: with a child about the teacher or good or nothing; all controversial issues are discussed one-on-one with a tutor.

4. Show interest in the life of the child in the garden. Parents who are interested in their children themselves ask the caregiver how the child behaves, how he practices, what difficulties and successes he has. These parents caregivers are treated with special respect, which is reflected in communicating with children.

5. Show interest in the affairs of the group.  Educators appreciate parents who are ready to help the kindergarten. And this is not only about material assistance. Helping to decorate the group for the holiday, fix the sandbox, hang curtains - in these and other matters parental help is always of particular value. Both mothers and fathers who are ready to help enjoy special respect from the caregiver.

So, parents themselves must make efforts to prepare the basis for conflict-free communication. If you are impolite, do not fulfill reasonable requirements, do not maintain authority, are not interested in the child and the affairs of the group, can you count on a reciprocal respectful attitude? Most likely no. Try to adhere to these recommendations, be benevolent, and many problems can be avoided.

  Errors that should not be allowed

Sometimes parents make mistakes, which lead to the fact that the child begins to fear the kindergarten. Why not do it?

1. You can not show your child their anxiety.  It is necessary to exclude all statements like: “Poor thing, you have to go to the kindergarten!”, “How are you in the kindergarten without a mother?” Do not say it yourself and do not let the "well-wishers" say such a baby. Also, do not discuss the topic of how alarmed you are with your child friends. Even if he does not understand all the phrases, he is able to highlight the keywords “kindergarten,” “educator,” and associate them with your anxious facial expression. And he can gain a confidence: a garden is bad and dangerous.

2. Do not scare kindergarten.  “Here you go to the kindergarten, they will show you how not to obey!”, “You will not behave well, I will give to the kindergarten, let them educate you there!”, “In the kindergarten the teacher will give you a belt for such behavior!” Parents use such phrases as a “educational” measure: scare him and he will obey better. One can say of such parents: “They do not know what they are doing.” Yes, it is possible that the child obeyed in this situation. But the harm done to him lasting! Now the child knows for sure: a kindergarten is a dangerous place where I will be scolded, punished, and maybe beaten. Would he like to go there?

3. You can not criticize the kindergarten and educators to the child. Perhaps you don’t really like kindergarten and caregivers, but for some reason you can’t choose another one. Well, you have to put up with what is. It would be a mistake to discuss your dissatisfaction with a child. Otherwise, your attitude will be transferred to him, and he will perceive the atmosphere in kindergarten as unfriendly. Try in general to discuss gardening problems with a child less, it only can disorient him.

4. You can not deceive the child  saying that you will “pick him up early” if you do not intend to do this. Let him know better that mother will not come soon than he loses confidence in you.

  Instead of a conclusion: Good luck!

I hope that you have gathered a lot of useful information from this book that can help you. Someone to resolve the situation with the reluctance to go to kindergarten. And to someone - not to allow such a situation. In conclusion, I want to tell another story.

The Congregation, September. Crying babies, and do not know who to begin to calm down first. I want to take in my arms, hug everyone at once and caress “wholesale”. And to tell their moms with sad eyes that all this will definitely pass, you just need to believe and help your little ones.

... Preparatory group, already adults, solemn 6–7-year-old children. Read poems, sing songs about school. And now teachers are crying, furtively wiping their tears with a handkerchief in advance. And pride: raised, spent on the way of preschool childhood! And a memory: came to us crying babies, and became serious people!

Even if at some stage in the “gardening” life a child has problems, do not despair and do not rush to give up kindergarten. After a while, already looking back, you will understand that everything was surmountable. Do not try to be "one soldier in the field." If the problem concerns the kindergarten, then take as allies educators, a psychologist and other teachers. And of course, believe in your child. After all, together we - the power!

  Acknowledgments

Many thanks to all my friends, acquaintances and colleagues who have shared their parental experience with me. Without your help, this book would not be so interesting!

And, of course, I sincerely thank my family: husband Dmitry for support and inspiration at those moments when I was especially tired, children - Vlad, Oleg and Anya - for being understanding that my mother works, my parents and husband's parents for always being willing to help.

Notes

Vasilkina Julia. What if the child is fidget. M .: Eksmo, 2012.

Does a child need to go to kindergarten? They say that “homemade” children are very difficult to adapt at school because they are not used to being in a team.

Until recently, it was believed that kindergarten is a truly necessary link in the development of each child. Indeed, “homemade” kids often had difficulty adjusting to school rules, to the rules of communication adopted in a peer group. Perhaps, these difficulties were explained primarily by the fact that there were very few such children, the overwhelming majority were precisely “kindergarten” children. Often, children transferred in whole groups from the “yard” kindergarten to the same “yard” (that is, in the neighborhood) school. And if a child got into the same class and spent the first seven years of his life under his mother’s and grandmother’s wings, he, of course, had a hard time.

Today the situation is different. Children who have never attended kindergarten are no longer an exception. In addition, the very concept of "kindergarten" today is not as straightforward as before. In addition to the standard state kindergarten, there are a number of other options for "employment" preschool. So, children come to the first class with the most varied “baggage”: someone went to a regular kindergarten, someone went to a development center, and someone sat at home with a nanny.

And here, at first, timid, but gaining strength, the voices of those who took the liberty to assert: “homemade” children are no worse than “sadikovykh”. Of course, there are exceptions everywhere, but, by and large, a child brought up at home and not in an “institution” may well be as developed, independent, initiative and sociable as a kindergarten pupil. Another thing is that for this, parents should not just “keep” the precious child at home, but work on developing all these qualities in it.

What exactly gives a visit to the kindergarten child? First of all - opportunity to communicate with peers, involvement in the group.  You may be convinced individualists, withdrawn and uncommunicative, but you must remember: approximately from the age of three (and from the age of four - absolutely for sure!) the child needs to communicate with other children.  And this opportunity you must give him.

Of course, in kindergarten a child learns to communicate not only with other children, but also with adults. Until the beginning of school age, parents, of course, remain the only truly authoritative adults in a child’s life. But the experience of communicating with teachers in kindergarten helps the child in the future to avoid difficulties in establishing relationships with school teachers. The baby learns that in addition to the mother, there are other adults, whose opinions need to be listened to, and sometimes just to obey.

Another is naturally connected with this moment: in kindergarten, a child gets acquainted with certain rules of behavior and learns to comply with them.  The word “discipline” in many of us causes a rather negative attitude, since it is associated with an “equalizing” drill, adopted both in kindergartens and schools of the Soviet era. But apart from these associations and understood by the word “discipline” only the ability to adhere to the necessary rules of human society, it should be recognized: these skills are necessary for the child.

Finally, in kindergarten, the child receives opportunities for intellectual and physical development.  Strictly speaking, the standard educational programs adopted in state kindergartens leave much to be desired: in many ordinary kindergartens there are not enough classes, and they are far from being at the highest level. Just “gardening” education is not enough for a child. In any case, parents should deal with the baby themselves. But if the “home” child spends entire days solely in front of the TV screen, then in kindergarten he, of course, will receive incomparably more. Drawing, modeling, construction, speech development, music lessons and physical education - this minimal “gentleman's set” will be provided by the simplest public garden. If you are lucky and you find a really good kindergarten (there are also state ones) with a good, extensive program, you can expect that your kid will be really interesting there.

Can I at home provide the child with all the conditions necessary for his harmonious development, without giving him to kindergarten?

In principle, this is possible. But only if you are really ready for this very, very serious work. The most difficult thing in home education is, perhaps, not the intellectual or physical development of a child. Just in these areas, a caring and educated mother can give her child much more than classes in kindergarten. It is much harder to create a baby all the necessary conditions for social development.

Above, we have already talked about the main advantages of the kindergarten: the child gets the opportunity to communicate with his peers and with others, in addition to parents, adults, learn to behave "in society", to follow the rules. And if you do not want to give the baby to the kindergarten, you need to think carefully about how exactly you will provide the child with these opportunities.

The “homemade” child should spend a lot of time at the playgrounds, playing with other children. In addition, it is highly desirable to provide him with some kind of constant peer friend - or rather, a few friends. It is necessary to carry him on a visit and invite other children to his home.

This task is quite feasible. But we should not forget about another important point - the child's communication with adults. It is no secret that women who prefer to stay at home with their children until it is time to go to school often have a heightened sense of parental duty and a desire to be the perfect moms. Some rather unfavorable consequences follow from this meritorious aspiration: such mothers are almost always convinced that they simply do not have the right to entrust their precious baby to someone else (and all other people often fall into the category of “outsiders” - including and grandparents).

If you don’t give your child to the kindergarten because you don’t trust the caregivers and you think that no one but you will be able to properly handle the child, find the right approach to him - you need to urgently change this point of view! Of course, the child can not be given in the first available hands. But to limit his world only to his own person can not be too. You need to understand that the child needs experience in communicating with other adults besides the mother  - even if this mother is really the best in the world!

Do not want to send a beloved child to kindergarten - give it to some circle, section, game group. Agree with one of your girlfriends that from time to time your child will spend the day with her. The best thing is if there are young mothers among your acquaintances just like you. You can make a “schedule of visits”, taking turns taking other kids. Let your private "kindergarten" "work" only a few hours a day, at least a couple of times a week: this will bring great benefits to the kids. They and each other will learn to communicate, and little by little they will get used to the fact that sometimes it is not only mother who obey.

Suitable age: does it make sense to put the child in the nursery?

The most optimal age for publication is four years.  Yes, no less! And please, try not to listen to the insistent advice of experienced grandmothers, who are always ready to explain to us that “the sooner the better - get used to it faster”! Because it is not true.

One year old toddler, of course, can “get used” to the fact that for some reason, his beloved mom was replaced by someone else’s, not too affectionate aunt. To get used to it means to be humble and suffer in silence, reacting to stress “only” with frequent colds and other illnesses, bad mood, reduced interest in the outside world. Such passive resistance is far from trivial, it has a very negative impact on the further emotional, intellectual and physical development of the baby.

Today, most nurseries take kids only with one and a half years. But this is also extremely early! A year and a half is the age when the so-called separation alarm is just beginning to weaken. Simply put, the baby is still too strongly attached to the mother and reacts very painfully to her absence, and equally to the appearance of strangers, especially if they are trying to get too close to him.

It is not a secret for anybody that “dysfunctional” children, that is, those who do not live well at home, adapt best to the nursery. Kindergarten teachers know this very well. They sadly tell that in each group there are one or two kids who do not want to leave kindergarten in the evenings: parents come, call from the threshold of the group, and the child ... turns back, hides behind a shelf with toys. And the point here is not at all that the kid “started playing,” he got too carried away with some of his important baby affairs.

For a half-year old toddler, meeting a mother, being able to cling to her more firmly and not letting go is the most important thing, by definition, due to age characteristics. From this age on, the fear of unfamiliar adults is gradually smoothed out, but it doesn’t completely disappear for quite a long time (although different kids in this are very different from each other). Interest in other children wakes up in babies only by the age of three.  At the same time, at first they are drawn to their older comrades, then they become interested in those who are younger, and only last of all pay attention to their peers.

So, creche in one and a half years can be justified only by the most extreme necessity.  Before you decide to give the child in the nursery, you need to sort through all the possible options to leave the baby at home. Look for work at home, try to negotiate with familiar moms that you will take turns “graze” your kids. Believe me, there are no hopeless situations and, if you wish, you can always find some alternative to the manger.

A two-year-old child gets used to a manger a little easier. The general rule remains the same - early! But there are already quite a few exceptions to this rule. By two years old, the baby can be really very sociable, and if the kindergarten (first of all the educators!) Is good, the child may like it there. In any case, you can try to take the child to the nursery if you have already made sure that he does not have fear of other children and adults, he has the necessary self-service skills (he knows how to use a pot, he can eat on his own), he experiences your absence without much suffering.

In this case, you must observe the behavior, mood of the child, his state of health. If you see that your two-year-old is difficult to adapt to the manger, do not insist on anything, do not persist in your intention to accustom him to the "institution" right now. The saying "endured - love" in this case does not work! The negative experience of visiting the nursery will have an effect: in a year or two, when the “home” children come to the group and adapt to the kindergarten without any problems, your child will still perceive the kindergarten as a place of imprisonment, will often get sick, cry in the morning and in the evenings.

In our case, such folk wisdom applies: "A miser pays twice." By sending in a nursery a two-year-old baby who is not ready for this, you will not win anything. Going to work will result in regular sick leave. It is much more sensible to spend time sensibly: gradually, without haste, but persistently and consistently prepare the child for kindergarten. Such an "investment" of your time, your care will pay off in full. Let it sound trite, but all the same: what can be more precious than the health of a beloved child - both physical and psychological?

Some mothers donate two-year-olds to the nursery, not because they really need to go to work, but because of “pedagogical” considerations: they say, they will teach the child to be independent in the group, it will develop faster, etc. and being only one of the fifteen to twenty same toddler, your child will probably learn to hold a spoon and pull on his pants faster than his “home” peers. But is it important in itself? At home, he also learns independence, mastering all these necessary everyday skills - and how else? This, of course, requires your attention, your work and your patience.

Let's be honest. Bringing the kid into the day nursery, we cannot even dream of an individual approach, respect for the child’s personality, etc. The situation with kindergartens is better, but the nursery cannot be considered a place that is useful for the child.

And the age characteristics of a two-year-old child, and the quality of our day nursery, in general, lead to this conclusion: wait, take your time! It is proved that pupils of the nursery often later have less initiative in decision-making, since activity and emotionality are largely laid in the first years of life.

Mom's note

A child who is not accustomed to a nursery or kindergarten does not necessarily demonstrate this explicitly. He can behave quite obediently and even submissively, expressing his experiences in some indirect way. The most common form of passive resistance of toddlers is frequent colds.

But there are other points that need to be paid attention to. This is a dream, an appetite, a child's behavior at home in the evenings, after kindergarten. At first, after starting a nursery or kindergarten visit, such “charms” as loss of appetite, difficulty falling asleep and even crying at night, homely moods and a slightly reduced or irritable mood can be considered “normal.” But if after three or four weeks the situation does not improve, we can say that the child does not adapt well to kindergarten or nursery.

In this case, it is desirable to save the baby from visiting the kindergarten for the next year, and if it is absolutely impossible to do so, try to alleviate the situation that is traumatic for him: leave him in the kindergarten only for half a day, arrange him an extra day off in the middle of the week, look for a garden or nursery with fewer children in Group.

These recommendations may not seem very realistic. Nevertheless, the experience of many mothers shows that they can be executed if desired. And efforts justify themselves, because as a result you save the spiritual well-being of the child, and therefore your own.

At what age is it best for a child to go to kindergarten?

We have already begun to answer this question. We repeat once again: most psychologists today consider four years to be the optimal age, and three are quite acceptable. By the age of three, the child is no longer afraid to stay for a while without a mother, begins to be interested in communication with other children, and has self-service skills. But to really enjoy the game with peers, it will only be closer to four years.

The ideal option is gradually, without haste and stricter demands, to begin acquainting a child with a kindergarten at three to three and a half years. First walk with him to the kindergarten group, then leave him in the kindergarten for half a day.

If you quickly find that your child does not mind spending time in a new setting, you can proceed to the usual visit to kindergarten. If the child does not express any particular enthusiasm - there is nothing to worry about that until four years he will attend the kindergarten in a “gentle” regime.

Do not worry about the fact that he somehow lags behind his peers. The main thing is that after three years he does not remain in a closed home space, alone with his mother or grandmother, but gradually expand the boundaries of the familiar world.

Mom's note

Here is a very important, albeit purely "technical" warning. All the advice given by psychologists, the authors of various books and manuals (including the author of this article) regarding kindergarten are somewhat theoretical. Smooth, soft and unhurried adaptation to kindergarten is an ideal to strive for. But in reality, if only you do not have sufficient financial resources to define your child in a private “family” kindergarten (and most of us do not have such opportunities), be prepared for the fact that life will make its own adjustments to your perfect circuit.

And the first thing you come across is a queue. Yes, yes, the old "good" turn in the kindergarten of the times of your own childhood. Even seven or eight years ago, mothers really could slowly move from one kindergarten to another, compare and choose the one that is better.

The birth rate in the country was low, the kindergartens were empty and closed, and those that remained afloat were ready to admit almost everyone to their walls, regardless of registration in the right neighborhood. (The nursery, by the way, has always remained overcrowded, but they are much smaller than kindergartens.) Today there are more children, and the number of kindergartens has declined - just in those “childless” years. And in the most simple, “yard” kindergarten you need to register at least a year before the child goes there. With the same gardens that are particularly popular in your area, you can safely begin to "make friends" even during pregnancy.

In recent years, this practice has become increasingly common. A child in two years is given to a nursery, he gets used to it with difficulty, and parents decide to leave him at home for another year. But at the same time in no case do not pick up the documents! They persuade the administration to “hold the place”, regularly pay monthly receipts in order to save the opportunity to send a child to kindergarten without problems in a year or even two.

So draw conclusions. Kindergarten should be looked for in advance, at least for a year, ideally - even earlier.  Be active, do not wait for gifts from fate. Walking the streets with a stroller, in which your newborn lies, get acquainted with the older mothers of children, find out which gardens they go to, whether they are satisfied with them.

In addition, the Internet can be of great help in finding a good kindergarten. On numerous "parent" sites there are ratings of schools and kindergartens. There you can find reviews about different kindergartens, groups, development centers. In addition, you will have the opportunity to ask any specific questions, get the necessary advice.

The child does not want to go to kindergarten ...

Is it possible to teach any child to kindergarten?

Doctors, psychologists and parents call some children “unsadicated”. What is behind this definition? Are there really children who cannot adapt to kindergarten under any circumstances?

Honestly, there are probably no such children. The only question is how much effort should the child himself and his parents make to adapt to the kindergarten, and whether these efforts are justified, that is, whether they need to be made.

By the way kids adapt to kindergarten, they can be divided into three groups.

The first group consists of children who react to a change in the situation by a real nervous breakdown. To this, frequent colds are almost always added.

The second group - children who do not show signs of nervous overstrain, “just” begin to get sick often.

The third group is the kids who get used to the kindergarten without any problems and difficulties.

So, every second child belongs to the first or second group. Does this mean that only half of the children who go to the kindergarten have a chance to “get accustomed” there, and all the rest should stay at home before school age? Of course not.

In most cases, adaptation problems are solvable, and it does not take too much time. Kindergarten - stress for a child, but stress is completely surmountable. Only the baby must help to cope with this new and very serious experience. Such a large number of children experiencing difficulties in adapting to kindergarten is largely due to their unpreparedness for a new way of life. You can not throw the child in an unfamiliar environment, as in the water, in the hope that he will immediately learn to "swim." It is worthwhile to devote time and attention in preparation for visiting the kindergarten, and then your baby will most likely be in the third, prosperous group.

Despite all my efforts, the child can not get used to the garden. What explains this and what can be done?

Indeed, in some cases even thorough preliminary work does not help. Despite all your efforts and good intentions, the child continues to protest in one form or another against attending kindergarten. What is the matter?

First of all, the baby may not yet have reached the appropriate age (we discussed this issue in detail above). In addition, as already mentioned, the attitude of the child to the kindergarten can be badly damaged by the unsuccessful experience of visiting the nursery. A conditioned reflex can work here: even a small child remembers (at least on a subconscious, emotional level) that he already had and felt bad in these walls. If the reason is this, then it is best to postpone the “release” for a while (at least for half a year), continuing to keep in touch with the kindergarten during this period - go for walks, make friends with someone in “neutral territory” from kids that go to the same group.

Difficulties in adapting to kindergarten may be due to the temperament of the child. Temperament is an innate characteristic, it can not be changed, but "but", unfortunately, can be suppressed, forcibly distorted. Sanguine babies usually adapt to the new environment quite well, but choleric and phlegmatic often have a hard time. Children with choleric temperament turn out to be too active and noisy, but slow phlegmatic people may suffer even more - they simply do not have time for the rest. And in the kindergarten it is important to keep abreast: eat in time, dress in time or undress, do some task ...

Carefully observe your baby, ask the caregiver about how the child spends the day in the group. And if you decide that the difficulties in adaptation are connected precisely with the “inconvenient” temperament for the kindergarten, be sure to discuss this with the educators. Explain to them that the baby behaves in an “inappropriate” manner, not because of something to blame, but because it cannot do otherwise.

Do not hesitate to be persistent and firm, telling your teachers that in no case should your karapuz-phlegmatic ever be twitching, pushing, and even less scolding for sluggishness. Tell them (and, of course, keep in mind yourself) that under pressure from adults, the phlegmatic child only becomes even more sluggish and passive.

His nervous system functions in such a way that, with over-stimulation, “emergency braking” is activated altogether, and the child falls into real prostration. But, if such a child is not disturbed, he knows how to bring the begun to the end, calm and balanced, accurate and reliable. As for slowness, as the child grows and develops, it will gradually smooth out. The pace of activity of the phlegmatic will still be somewhat reduced compared with the sanguine and especially choleric - a temp, but not an impact! While the hurried choleric pulls on himself all the clothes inside out and upside down twice, and the teacher finally gives it a dress up, the phlegmatic child will just have time, but surely and carefully, to fasten all the buttons and even, perhaps, tie the laces. All this must be explained to the educators so that they remember: the less they pull and rush your “slow moving”, the faster it will “level off”, get used to the atmosphere of the kindergarten and start doing everything you need.

And what to do with those hurried choleric people who do not sit still for a second and in general often resemble a little tornado? It is clear that such a temperament does not cause much enthusiasm among teachers in the kindergarten. But again, it is necessary to talk with the staff and explain that the baby is “rampaging” not because of a lack of upbringing, but because of innate personality traits. Tell the caregivers that it would be good for your “hurricane” child to be engaged in some kind of activity whenever possible. If he scattered toys, then he will surely collect them with the same pleasure and speed - if you ask him and not force him. As a rule, in kindergartens, children are still allowed to move quite freely - to run and jump (they are allowed, if only because it is impossible to make twenty three-year-olds sit quietly on chairs for a long time!).

If you get very strict teachers who require children to stand in one place or walk back and forth in pairs, well, in this case it is best to look for other teachers. (This, incidentally, refers not only to the problems of choleric children! Mushtra, suppression, severe restriction of natural activity are harmful for any child, regardless of temperament.)

Finally, in search of the reasons for the poor adaptability of the child to the kindergarten, think about one more thing: do you easily adapt yourself to the new conditions? Do you like to be in noisy companies? If a child grows up in a society of closed, few sociable parents, then, most likely, he himself will prefer quiet games in solitude. An ordinary crowded kindergarten may indeed be contraindicated for such a child, but at the same time it should never be left in isolation! It certainly needs to be “brought into the light,” although it should be done unobtrusively and carefully, in small “doses.” It is very good to define such a “recluse” in a game group, in which there are few children and where it is not necessary to spend the whole day.

Who better to stay at home

In a normal, standard kindergarten, you should not give up weakened, often ill (even before any kindergarten!) Kids, as well as toddlers with an unstable nervous system. This does not mean that such children cannot be sent anywhere at all. You just need to bear in mind that if your baby is not too healthy, it means that it is more sensitive, vulnerable. It should be approached with extreme caution, and the kindergarten should be chosen even more carefully than in the case of the “ordinary” (if such people are in the world!) A child. There are special health kindergartens, but one should not rely on the name alone: ​​if there are fifteen people in the group and one teacher for two shifts, a visit to such a garden will not bring a great health effect to your child.

If you do not plan to spend the next years in the hospital for child care, set aside dreams of kindergarten for a while and begin to “heal” the baby by yourself: watch your diet and regimen, walk more, if doctors allow, start tempering. Try to find opportunities for the child to attend some “development school”, a playgroup at least a couple of times a week. If this is not at all possible, at least get out with him to visit, so that he would “tear himself off” from you little by little, learn that the world is wide and not dangerous.